Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

Saturday, December 31, 2011

It's time to say goodbye to 2011...

Once again,
the year has come to an end.
Time seems to be rushing by too quickly,
so much so that I can't help but hurry.
Feels as if it was only a while before when I counted down to the year 2011.
And yet today I'm sitting down here again,
waiting to count down to 2012.
In the meantime,
I shall do some flashbacks and look back on the year 2011.
Among the many epic events that's happened over the past year,
I've chosen 5 to write on.
So here it goes...

1. Alicia's 2nd knee operation
This year my family received a horrible news and it impacted everyone,
more so Alicia for sure.
She had to undergo a second surgery on her knee so as to strengthen the ligaments and in doing so,
reduce the risk of a highly likely relapse.
In the beginning she couldn't take the news well and it was rather depressing having to watch but yet helpless to do anything.
We explored various options and came to the conclusion that a surgery is the only way.
And so with a heavy heart Alicia went for the operation.
Although we were more or less prepared this time owing to the experience gained from the first operation she had last year,
it still wasn't easy,
for my mum in particular.
In all those nights my sister couldn't fall asleep my mum stayed with her.
And even when she did fall asleep,
my mum would stay up to watch her.
Indeed,
a mother's love cannot be measured.
And because of this I had my first experience of running under the rain while pushing a wheelchair.
So Alicia,
think twice before you make us mad lol.
But I'm glad that it is finally over,
and I pray that no one else in the family has to undergo any more medical procedures in the year to come.

2. The end of the Harry Potter (movie) saga
Being an avid fan of the Harry Potter books,
the end of the movie series is definitely one of the most epic events of the year!
I almost cried when the movie came to an end T.T
Even though the battle scenes weren't exactly up to (my) expectations,
it was pleasant to watch.
And from now on the muggle world is going to be as mundane as it was before Harry Potter began,
sadly.

3. Genting trip with my ladies
This made the list because it's my first trip overseas with friends(;
And for 3 days I felt as if all my troubles and problems have drifted off with the clouds >.<
And because all of us didn't auto roam our phones,
we seem to have all the time with one another,
without anyone being preoccupied with messages,
or the internet.
More importantly I think it made us closer with one another,
especially with Jiayan,
as before that she wasn't that close with the 2 of them.
Now I just look forward to our next overseas trip together(:

4. Cass and Shus
I cannot think of a better title for number 4 because this is it.
They are 2 very epic people in my life and I'm very thankful that they came into my life,
especially at a time when I needed spiritual support and strength.
I got to know more about Cass when we worked together during the past attachments,
and it was a very gradual friendship as both of us belong to different cliques in school and therefore do not have much opportunities to hang out together.
And as for Shus,
like Cass we also do not interact much in school even though we worked on the same project this year.
However,
things changed when Cass came to church this year.
Through church we became closer and are friends even outside school,
outside attachments.
And being with them is different from being with the ladies,
even though I enjoy the company of both.
But with them we can talk about deeper issues and do different things,
like cooking perhaps,
something which Vyvy, Mei, Daphy, and myself are rather unable to accomplish when you put us together hahaha XDD
Cass and Shus are just like family to me.

5. Knowing God
Technically I knew Him a long time ago,
and He probably knew me too.
But I guess I had never really knew Him,
until June this year when something just clicked.
I don't know what,
but it just did.
And through Him I feel like a renewed child.
I'm still me,
I haven't changed,
just that now I know that I have the strength to walk even when I'm weary,
the light to see even when I'm in the dark,
and the faith to carry on even when there is so much uncertainty.
Of course there is and still will be times when I feel that there is no one with me,
that He's not watching over me,
but I hope to change that,
which brings me to my resolutions for the year ahead!

It took me some time but still I came up with five.
5 Resolutions for 2012:
1. To be a better follower and to spend more time serving in the ministry.
2. To continue to improve on my time management and get things done way before datelines.
3. To be able to take better care of my family members.
4. To spend more wisely, seriously.
5. To fill the missing space in my life right now.
I'm being practical here haha. I've been saying my life has everything it needs except for a man >.<

Alrighty,
I guess this marks the end of my final post for 2011.
No matter what has happened in the past year,
it's time to look forward.
Keep the happy moments safe in our memories and wash away the sad thoughts.
If 2012's the end of the year,
I would want to live every moment to the fullest,
I believe everyone would want that too.
May the year be a good one for all!^^

And it's time to say hello to 2012!

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR CHUNNIE FOR HIS NEWCOMER AWARD!^^

The boy's so cuteeeee XDD
Awww~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, December 29, 2011

So let mercy come,
and wash away,
what I've done...

Spent the day on doing something special ;)))
Feels so happy and satisfied after it is completed!
Heehee!
I'm going off now,
gonna go do something I think I need to do today.
Till next time,
byeeeee people~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, December 26, 2011

#8yearswithTVXQ

Still remember when I watched their debut performance "Hug" for the very first time.

Who knew those boys would grow up into the men they are today.

But no matter how much they've changed and how many years have gone by,

the love for them remains.

This is not the end.

Because there is no end.

Time to do a post on the events of the past few days.

Starting with... 21st December 2011

Dined out with Ade Jung and Olivia^^

It's been so long since we last met up,

and I'm glad we did before the year ends(:

Caught up about our lives quite a bit before Ade Jung left in a car LOL.

While Olivia and I walked over to the busstop to catch a bus hahaha XDD

Anyways,

I had a great time that evening and I hope we meet up again soon!^^

Went Christmas shopping with mum on the 22nd December and spent quite a bit as well.

Treated mum to a meal and bought clothes and a pair of shoes.

Been some time since we last did shopping together and as much as I enjoyed it,

I'd rather she save some of those money for herself and not spend so much >.<

On the 23rd December it's ANDY's BIRTHDAY!

Didn't exactly do much this year.

Lunched at Ichiban with the family and spent the evening caroling with the Youth Group.

Although it is something that I should be doing,

it's hard not to feel awkward in the group.

May I have the courage to open up and interact better with the fellow brothers and sisters.

Anyways we threw a surprise party for Andy at midnight.

Even though it was a day late,

I think he pretty much enjoyed himself,

which is a good thing I suppose.

I just hope through this he'll feel a sense of belonging in the group and will be more motivated to go for the YF meetings on Saturdays.

The event ended at around 3am in the morning and we cabbed home afterthat.

Showered and finally caught up with sleep.

24th was a drastic day with drastic events.

Shall not elaborate on them.

I can only say that it's not the best Christmas Eve I had.

But for the first time I felt that I was brave and independent enough.

Ultimately,

I'm never lonely,

even though I may be alone.

Stayed out with Shus after service to do her last minute Christmas shopping.

Had a long talk with her about the problems going on and thankfully she was there to give me the best advice,

although sometimes they are not the words I want to hear because of the piled up anger.

But I'm thankful I have her for a friend and very much a sister.

Went home at around midnight and slept at 1am.

CHRISTMAS~

Had service in the morning before I went out with Shus and Cass in an impromptu gathering.

Went to Conrad Hotel to support our NUS Choir in their caroling.

The manager was nice to be giving us souvenir bags which contain cookies and a cute little teddy even though we weren't part of the choir.

We even took photos with Santa Claus but as Shus haven't uploaded the photos I couldn't post.

Had a very filling lunch @Steakhouse before we went to Taka to collect Shu's tart for her Christmas party in the evening.

Town was flooded,

not with water this time,

but with people.

The human traffic was horrible.

I don't get why people would want to spend Christmas in the middle of a gigantic human pool.

But ultimately we squeezed our way through and mrt-ed home.

The rest of the night was spent nuaing and opening the presents received.

Love the presents but more importantly,

felt the love emitting from everybody(:

And today,

today's the 8th year since the debut of beloved TVXQ.

Didn't do much the entire day but in the evening while the rest of the family's over at my aunt's place,

I've invited Shus, Cass and Bisbox over for a somewhat post-Christmas dinner and just to chillax over games and movies.

Hopefully they wouldn't be too bothered with the mess at home hahaha XDD

Something's been troubling me alot lately.

I really should do something about it.

Ohh and I've been considering switching to wordpress haha.

Blogger's been overly annoying with the change in format and stuff.

Maybe it'll be the first change I'm getting for the new year ahead! ;)

Shall see how it goes!(:

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Sometimes I really don't get the kind of sister I have.

Or maybe I also should be reflecting on the kind of sister I am. No doubt me and Alicia are not the best pair of sisters around,

but I don't understand why our relationship is this way either.

It just doesnt seem to work sometimes.

Nowadays she's so preoccupied with her phone that it's getting on my nerves,

on all of our nerves actually.

Is this part of growing up?

Maybe, I guess.

But there have been one too many occasions when she's just too much.

Her mood simply fluctuates and when it does,

the whole world has to cater to her mood swings and in the end no one is happy.

Is this the responsibility of an elder sister?

That I should give in and accept her as she is?

Or should I knock some sense into her and make her grow up abit.

There are many times whereby I wish she was someone I could rely upon,

someone who will always be there for me.

But in reality,

she cannot really.

Perhaps we're too different,

or rather too alike.

But one thing's for sure,

I wish we were closer and could do what other sisters do together,

but right now I think the feeling's just not mutual.

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-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, December 19, 2011

RAIN IN MY HEART...
The weather right now reflects how I feel today.
Dark and gloomy :(
Haven't been sleeping well since last Wednesday,
even though I don't regret going that day.
But now that I finally know what I genuinely want,
I can't bring myself to lead another person on.
I don't want to be thinking about it but deep down I know it's always there.
And as I finally fall asleep,
you had to appear there,
even in my dreams.
Tell me how am I supposed to keep you off my mind,
tell me.
I should really practice what I preach about letting nature take its course and having fate decide the way.

Anyways I'm finally free today!
Haven't gotten a good rest even though attachments ended on Friday.
Saturday was jammed packed with activities.
Went helping out in a Nursing Home in the morning and went to church in the late afternoon,
followed by planting the surprise party at Mei's place at night.
Sunday was equally busy for me as we went out the whole day as well.
Watched Mission Impossible in the afternoon and went JP to have Chinese food; my treat haha.
Thought I should do my part in showing some appreciation for my family in this season of giving. Lol.
By the time we got back and finally showered it was already 11 plus.
Slept till 11 plus 12 this morning but still feels as if I haven't gotten enough sleep.
Just wanna rest for today and therefore called off 2 meetings.
Sorry! But I really wanna rest.
And this week's more or less packed as well.
Have an appointment tomorrow morning and will probably spend the rest of the day preparing something for Andy's birthday on Friday.
On the 21st I'll be running some errands before meeting Ade Jung and Olivia for dinner,
22nd will be spent with Mum and on the 23rd there'll be caroling plus stayover.
Will be going to watch Shus's performance on the 24th.
Then it's CHRISTMAS!^^
Have something on that morning too,
before going to meet Ivan in the afternoon XDD
It's a crazy week ahead.
But still I think I'm gonna enjoy it.
Can't wait for Daph to come back from her Malaysia trip and meet up for a eating plus HTHT session.
Ohh and also,
I should be posting photos before new ones come up.
So here we goooooooo!

So on the 3rd of December,
me and Meimei met at 8.30 in the morning @ JP's Mac to discuss the plans for the day.
Wrote a list of the stuff to buy and headed off to do a little shopping.
Bought the materials for the card as well as the presents for Vy and went off to Mei's place where we worked on both card and Vy's presents.

We were in such a rush that day.
Gotta complete the card within a limited period of time in order to be in time to collect our SCAT forms for attachment.
So, with empty stomachs we rushed off to school after having completed Vy's card and prezzie.
Collected the forms in school and were almost dying of tiredness.
Cause it was raining very much like today that day,
we were rather lang bei too hahaha XDD
The next plan was to meet Vy to do Daph's card and presents!
So, we went off to the final stop- Vivocity to meet up with Vy.
Bought the presents and went LJS to do the card and to wrap the present^^

Around 7 pm Daph arrived and we had Ajisen for dinner^^
The point of the whole surprise was to let Vy think that we're celebrating Daph's birthday and have Daph believe that we're celebrating Vy's birthday!
When in actual fact, we're celebrating both!^^

In the end, the plan was executed successfully and both girls were surprised and we were happy haha! XDD

Make a wish~ Make a wish~

"I wish to marry park yoochun~"
Lol.

May your wishes come true dears!^^

Presents!^^ We tried not to deliver the same concept to both birthday girls.
So Vy got her presents in a box while Daph...

Being the epic woman she is, we made her an epic hamper, with her favorite apples^^

Hahaha I was half-expecting them to drop a tear or two cause we had put in so much effort, energy and time, not to mention also lies, to make this a success haha XDD
But even though they didn't cry I was almost at tears lol.
It's good enough knowing that they appreciated everything(:

My confidante always(:

Our sweet bimbo(:

Went to the skydeck to catch the fireworks after the celebration!

My co-planner that day- Mei!^^
Without her it was impossible that things went so well :DD
We make the best team everrr! :DD

With the birthday babes :DD

What's a gathering without a group photo right? Hahaha!

Love you ladies(:

And the night ended with the usual laughs and stupid jokes XDD
As for the celebration last Saturday,
there wasn't much time and hands to take photos cause we were super cautious about not making too much noises and we had too much stuff on our hands.
So yeahh, no photos for that unfortunately.
But at least we get to keep the good memories(:

Shall end off the post with a group photo taken last last Saturday.
Went out with Buddy Wong that day before meeting Ivan for dinner and lastly to George's place to celebrate Wc's and Con's birthday.

Even though it's a different feeling hanging out with them as compared to my usual friends,
it's a familiar feeling that I'd like to keep.
See yall again soon!(:

That's about all for today!
Feels like sleeping again T.T
Annyeong~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, December 16, 2011

Blogging in working hours.

Downloaded an app that allows blogging anywhere and everywhere XDD

From now (6pm) to 9.30 later,

it's free time^^

And we've been playing games since then,

from scrabble to old maid XDD

It's good to be slacking haha! :DD

Overall I'm just glad that I got to know new people through this posting.

Without my usual group of friends it was indeed worrying in the beginning.

But yeahh through time friendships forged and Im just happy to have broaden my social circle again^^

Will miss you girls! :DD

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-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Miss the 5 so much today I think I might just die...

Anyway,
HAPPY #XiahDay heehee!
To our Kim Junsu,
thank you for coming into this world and making it a better place to live in,
with your voice and the music you make,
indeed,
the world has become a better place(:

But still,
it's KimJae that managed to steal my heart away hahaha.

It's been awhile baby.
How're you doing?

<333

My eyes will only search for you,
and for you only.

Been fangirling the whole of this morning and even though it's rather fulfilling,
having being able to scroll through all those pages of updates and pics,
I also feel alittle empty,
cause like I said earlier,
I miss them quite abit T.T
Shall cast that aside for now and move on to the next theme of this post then.
Have been wanting to do a post on my overnight stay at Cass's place since last week but because of my overwhelming schedule I couldn't find time to do it.
Decided to get this done today heehee!

So on the 30th of November 2011,
we decided to sleepover at Cass's place as the rest of her family have gone to Thailand for holiday(:

Shaky and blur cause it's a self-shot.
Lol.
Better ones coming up!

With Shuhuey^^
She's like the mother of the company,
always taking care of us,
and doing most of the washing, cutting, and cooking that day^^

Our beautiful host that day(:
Thanks for providing such a warm, homely place to hang out(:
This girl even woke up early to clean the house and wash the toilet >.<

My lovely ladies^^

Spent the afternoon having Mac for lunch,
chatted alittle and went on to making an Apple Crumble(:
It was my first Apple Crumble and personally,
I felt it was a great success haahaa! :DD
In the later part of the afternoon,
we watched MAMA again as Cass had it recorded.
Again I was rather impressed by Suju's perf XDD

When the boys finally came,
we started preparing dinner.
I had suggested spaghetti and everyone started working on it.
I have to admit I didn't do much cooking that day haha!

Finally,
dinner was served!^^
We had salad made by Shus (helped by me!)
Lol.
And omelette by BisBox,
which was really good!
It was the first plate to clear hahaha!

Can't wait to eat!
NOM NOM NOM XDD

While waiting for the rest to get ready,
I camwhored again XDD
Took pictures of and with the Christmas tree(:

Look at that girl's happy face :DD

Of course,
we gotta have a group photo before dinner heehee!^^

Cass and KK

Shus and BisBox

Shus, Alina, and BisBox^^

Dinner was amazing,
not just because of the food,
but more so due to the company(:
We talked,
joked and laughed together and somehow it really felt like family.
Cass had the warm orange lights on,
and Christmas carols playing in the background.
I really had fun that night.
Everyone was able to speak comfortably and joke around.
They were like family to me,
all of them(:
Then,
we played "Zhong ji mi ma" to decide how many plates each of us are going to wash haha!
I got the lowest,
with only 2 plates to wash heehee! XDD
We spent the rest of the evening washing up.
BisBox even helped wash the kitchen floor,
while the rest decided on which movie to watch.
We settled on Ghost Ship and the evening ended with a delicious slice of Apple Crumble for each of us^^

Tadaa!
Our masterpiece heehee! :DD

When the boys left,
the 3 of us took turns to shower.

HTHT'ed till 4am before I was knocked out while the 2 of them continued till 5.
It was a great HTHT session and I got to know more about the Shus I had never knew before.
Shared stories about our lives,
from school to work,
to friends, to family,
to church, and to relationships.
I think we pretty much covered everything.
Lol.
And because of that we became closer after that(:
Slept in till about 11 the next day before heading home for another appointment.
That week was hectic as far as I can remember.
But even so,
I had a wonderful time,
and I often look back on these times and wish we have more opportunities like that in the future.
I'm really happy and thankful to have such people in my life,
the people who could offer advice and support me through the bad times,
and also share my joy in the good times.
I'm truly blessed,
truly.

The times we shared will not be forgotten <333

Anyway I gotta be going soon,
gotta wash up and prepare for shift later.
Intended to complete this post with the photos of Daph and Vy's surprise birthday celebration but I guess there's not enough time to do so.
Shall write another post about that soon!^^
And I've been up to something lately,
can't wait to get it done and send it out.
It's a secret so I can't mention it here either.
But,
I'm just excited hahaha! :DD
Counting down with Ade Jung to the end of my attachments,
really can't wait for it to end!
There's so much on my to-do list hahaha!
Alrighty,
till next time,
everyone be happy,
and have a great day everyday!^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Sian.
It's only the second day of attachment and I already feel damn listless.
Attachments suck, truly.
Lol.
9 days doesn't seem to be a large number.
But when you're spending 7.5 hours in a hospital,
with hardly any opportunities to sit and have got to deal with people with extremely unpredictable behaviour,
I think the burnout's too quick.
I really can't wait for attachments to end.
It's just too tiring :(

Don't have the mood to post my picture entry today even though I'm on PM shift today.
I think I'll only get that up by earliest end of the week.
Ahhh I just wish it'll end quickly!

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Friends,
I really, really wish...
there is no end.
But sadly,
there is an end in friends.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Just came home after the slumber party at Cass's place(:
Haven't got the time nor energy to post today but I'll definitely do it soon(:
It's been a while since I felt like family with my friends.
A long while.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;