Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

Friday, April 29, 2011

LOL.

I was thinking of a way to start this post but ultimately decided to just go along with whatever's on my mind.

So as you can see,

it started with a "LOL",

like literally.

I just watched Running Men on the new korean channel- ONE and this is one effing funny variety show-

one of the reasons which makes my Fridays so awesome haha XDD

And the best thing is,

the next episode will feature HOMIN :DD

and I can't wait hahaha XDD

It feels different watching it on my lappy and on the TV >.<

The bottom line is,

I just can't wait for next Friday!

But I know that I'd probably be out with the girls celebrating the end of our final paper,

so I'm gonna record it instead! XDD

Lol.

My playlist can officially change its name to TVXQ as most of the shows recorded are in some way related to them LOL.

I was so effing happy when I recorded TVXQ's Love in the Ice performance on M Countdown the other day.

I was so happy I couldfly hahahaha!

Ade Jung, one day you should come my house and we can like sit down there and fangirl,

and watch, and eat, and drool, and watch, and eat, and drool, and fangirl :DD

Hahaha!

Anyways, I'm pretty satisfied with how the day progressed today,

even though there wasn't much to do.

But I guess that's the significance of it-

simply slacking and doing nothing.

Sometimes you just find pleasure in things like these.

Recently I've been doing much thinking,

especially with regards to the friends I have now.

The other day i accidentally deleted all my contacts in the handphone.

I panicked.

It was a foolish move but come to think of it,

I think my foolishness served its purpose.

I thought back at it and realize that perhaps it's a good thing afterall.

It gave me an opportunity to reorganize my circle of friends.

I can happily say that I used to have over 100 contacts stored in my phone,

that is, before my act of deleting them away.

But then again, how many of these contacts do I really keep in contact?

I can say, not much.

And some of them aren't even people worth to be friends with.

7 years have been far too long;

it took me 7 years to see your true colours;

7 years to accept that you're such a person;

and 7 years to learn that I've always believed in the wrong person.

From a friend,

to a confidante,

to someone I felt I could give my heart to,

to a stranger,

to a "I don't know how to describe our relationship today".

I think we've gone through too many unnecessary stages.

It would have sufficed if we had stayed at Stage 1.

Things would have been a whole lot better,

and I swear I would have been way happier.

I never really blamed anyone for that event which changed my perception of so many things.

But recently I found out too much.

And one of the worst being you'll never change.

Even after going through another phase of your life,

you've not changed.

And you're not going to change.

You're still the same you-

the same immature, selfish you.

Do you really find pleasure in making the people around you fools?

I guess you honestly do.

I used to have complete trust in you,

hoping that everything I heard around me are just bias presumptions and that you're not the person they describe you to be.

But now, even I have felt it for myself.

After that event I honestly tried to trust you again,

believing that we could at least be friends.

But what you did seriously threw away every ounce of hope I had left in you.

For someone who was once important to me,

you're now just somebody I see when I meet up with a huge group of friends.

I cannot decide who should be in my life,

but I definitely no longer want to be in yours.

So before I suffer another disappointment,

I had better leave yours.

The point is, it's never too late to kick a bad person out of your life!

You can try and try again, but when you know it's hopeless,

you'd know it's time to end.

It's a new beginning everyday! XDD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Decided.....not to succumb to the temptation of using the lappy for the whole of tomorrow.

So, I'm just gonna post tonight.

And that's it.

Was phone conferencing with Ade Jung and Olivia earlier :DD

Talked, crapped, chatted, talked, chatted, crapped, and crapped, and then crapped again.

I had always felt that my JC days were too tough for me to bear,

mostly due to all the studying and stuff,

that got me so frigging stressed out.

But looking back,

thank God I have these 2 friends with me then-

the friends who do the weirdest and funniest stuff with me.

Come to think of it,

the years spent in JC weren't too bad afterall,

simply because I have both of you(:

And I experienced that same feeling again tonight,

something worth relishing about in the midst of all the shit that happened today.

I love you both <333

I believe we're all tired now.

This marks the end of a really awful day and the beginning of a brand new one,

let's look forward to it with an open heart(:

To a better day,

cheerios^^

P.S To a friend of mine who's facing some difficult times now,

I hope you stay strong.

We'll go through this together(:

P.P.S Tonight, I shall think of nothing else but KJJ.

Let me dream a little while......

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I don't count on you to understand that.

You don't know love at all.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

I'm pissed, and I gotta get this off my chest.

I know I'm in no position whatsoever to say this,

but I don't like it when my friend(s) get scolded for no reason,

and even more so,

by someone totally unrelated.

Isn't this just ridiculous?

You don't have the right to say shit about anyone else when you yourself needs some reflecting to do.

Even I, as a bystander, cannot put up with all the nonsense you're giving,

So I honestly applaud those around you,

for withstanding the hell you put them through,

especially that person you claim you love and cannot live without.

*faints*

Drama much.

And from the way I see it,

the number of people who are really true to you are far less than the number of fingers on my hands.

You don't know anything about cherishing don't you?

I understand that there're all kinds of people in this world.

And it's okay, I can live with that.

But it's not okay when you mess with my friend.

Like seriously, some people just have the mindset that the world revolves around themselves.

What's worse is, they manipulate people to follow suit,

to behave and live the way they would like them to.

Isn't this just scary?

And if you hadn't done that to my friend,

perhaps I would have felt a tinge of sympathy towards you,

but now I just realize you don't deserve even the respect a normal human being ought to have,

cause no one in the right mind would have done what you did.

But you're a little manipulative freak aren't you?

I don't give a damn for what you do,

but keep your hands off my friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Current mood= None

I have no mood for anything :\

The day has been progressing rather awkwardly.

From the moment I woke up it was destined to be a lousy day.

In the morning I had this nauseous feeling going on and because of that I got bussick.

Thankfully Daph got me sour plums and I went for the paper.

It's MIC today and this time,

I honestly have no confidence whatsoever.

It's one effing difficult paper man.

I'm really afraid of having to repeat the module next sem,

which I really, really don't wish to cause it'll only add to my workload :(

Ais.

Just when I thought I'll be able to do better this sem,

this boulder has to come along and bring everything down.

I'm like sad now :(

But still,

I know there's a time to be upset and there's a time to stand up again.

I'll go study for maternity afterwards,

which is my next paper,

taking place on Friday.

2 down, 3 to go!

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Lol.

Alina has absolutely no drive to study >.<

It's like the weariness hasn't fade away even though I've slept for so many hours already.

Perhaps that's the problem;

I simply slept too much :\

It always happens during the exam period.

After taking one paper I'll feel as if I'm gonna crumble.

And I do crumble;

crumble to sleep >.<

Lol.

Woke up today not knowing what to do.

I know I've got to revise my microbiology but yeahh,

as I said,

I kept procrastinating.

I'm in poor condition lately,

and I honestly wish it'll end soon :\

Anyways went up to twitter this morning to see a scroll of @0101xiahtic tweets.

Ahhh he's so cute kekeke.

Ais.

I should just get back to studying later.

It's my last chance today.

The paper's tomorrow lol.

Ahhhh I hate this lethargic feeling :\

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, April 25, 2011

YAY!!!!!^^

Just conquered my first paper today.

Not very well done but I gave my best,

and because of that,

I guess I don't feel as bad^^

1 DOWN 4 TO GO!!!

Heheh

Just listened to "Doin' Just Fine" by Boyz II Men.

Another fine recommendation of Kim JaeJoong.

LOL.

I was directed to youtube to the MV of this song and saw many of the comments saying the same thing "JaeJoong brought me here"

Hahaha.

I guess the viewership must have shot up since he recommended it.

Lol.

I shall go off now,

gotta take my lunch and study afterwards.

Next paper to conquer: M-I-C-key

LOL.

Gogogo!!!^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Sighs.
I wish things would be better, like soon.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, April 22, 2011

It's 12.52am right now and my day has just started.

Yeahh, I figured that from the moment I woke up till 12am earlier,

I've been in seclusion with my books and lecture notes.

Hah!

Sometimes I really admire my own determination >.<

If it were 2 years back,

I'm pretty certain I wouldn't have this strength.

But I guess academic life in a JC really does change your viewpoint on the whole "studying" thing.

JC is the place where mugging alone doesn't bring you far.

Mugging like mad does.

As compared to academic life back then,

I think it's better now,

for me that is.

Anyways I wanted to spend the night watching television.

But unfortunately there's a huge bug outside so I don't dare to stay in the living room.

And because I didn't want to sleep either so I guess here is my only source of entertainment.

But sadly, there's nothing much here either :\

The news have been the same since this afternoon,

the photos remain stagnant,

and twitter isn't so fun either.

Bahhh...

Life's getting alittle overwhelming lately,

and even more so with certain people around.

I keep telling myself to tolerate.

But some things,

I really can't bear to watch.

It's about time you grow up.

But I have enough on my hands now and I guess I couldn't care less for what you do.

Shall just pretend I don't see any of your rubbish,

or you acting as if everyone else's a fool.

Haix.

Some people are just.... ahh nevermind.

I'm supposed to be happy today,

I shall go watch videos now!

Hahahaha :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Nothing's over~

Under the fine recommendation of KJJ,

I'm listening to Infinite's Nothing's Over now.

Catchy song.

Not something I'll listen @ 3am at night bb.

But yeah, you surprise me sometimes kekeke :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADE JUNG!^^

When we first became friends,

nobody knew we'll come this far.

We started out as strangers,

came together as friends,

and progressed into what we are today.

Be it coincidental, be it due to fate,

I'm thankful,

for in the end,

it brought me someone like you.

Happy 20th Birthday Ade Jung^^

And love, the 8 numbers are my handphone number hahaha! :DD

Meaning you can call me like anytime heheh XDD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Hahaha XDD
I'm a happy girl^^
With KJJ, I'll always have something to be happy about.
Today this man made me fall in love with him all over again hahaha XDD

Director Kim @ Incheon Airport heading to Taiwan(:

I love him in a suit~ <333

And this cute boy changed his twitter display,
causing quite an trend in twitterland.
People are tilting their display pics.
LOL.
This is something only a star can do hahaha XDD

So cute lahh you :DD

I'm finally done with my studying of the day^^
Such satisfaction kekeke.
Shall head to bed now for another day tomorrow yay! :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, April 18, 2011

5 hours of studying and I'm still not dead.
It's a good sign haha XDD
LOL.
Just goes to show that my study schedule worked.
Now I have time to study and I have the time to slack,
even if it's just for a while.
Anyways looking at twitter now makes me quite annoyed.
People spamming tweets on studies and stuff,
like life isn't stressful enough >.<
It's almost 5,
it's time to watch TV :DD
And after a 2 week break,
I'm back to giving tuition again!
Hahaha okiee, byeeee peeps :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

KJJ has a new car!!!
I want a ride in it!
LOL.

My day,
or rather my night,
is filled with joy and laughter, peace and love hahahaha XDD
Fangirling is always good stress relief method.
And Junsu's making my heart melt with his soccer moves.
I guess it's every girl's weakness when watching a man play sport with such enthusiasm and spirit.
*faints again*
He's just enticing, that man >.<
Anyways, I'm heading to bed soon,
goodnight everybody!^^
The battle begins tomorrow,
bring it on.

P.S I don't like you with cigarettes ehh :\

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, April 16, 2011

LOL.
Just watched JYJ's interview for NII.
Cute TTM :DD
Love the boys <333

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Although I'm feeling pretty worn out right now,

I want to do this.

I want to write this down,

before the feelings die down after a night's sleep.

And so I shall begin.

The day started with excitement and anticipation.

Other than a 30-minute session with Jolene, our clinical instructor,

everything else went according to regular routine,

such that we took parameters, ran around with commode chairs, interacting with patients and all.

However, my heart melted tonight because of this one patient.

She suffers from depression and had been a difficult patient from the start.

She's usually angsty and none of us liked tending to her as we are unaware of when her mood may change.

Yet,

she was the patient who left us the deepest impression.

Everyday we think of ways to help her open up and be more positive about herself and her life.

But because she has a rather complicated family background and owning to the many many unpleasant events in her life,

it was a mission we never thought we would be able to accomplish,

especially considering the limited time span.

Last night,

we decided that we would take her out for a walk,

to breathe in fresh air and just enjoy the night air for abit.

We even thought of the questions to ask her that might get her into telling more about herself.

However,

things didn't go as planned.

As her daughter was supposed to visit her,

she declined going down for the walk.

We were slightly disappointed but nevertheless,

we understood that family is priority.

The thing is,

her daughter never came...

Her family's pretty complex and it's not appropriate for me to reveal too much here.

All I can say is,

if I ever have a daughter like hers,

I'll either kill myself or kill her.

Anyways,

as she was Ina's patient,

Ina went to speak to her with much hesitation and courage.

But before she could finish 3 sentences,

she cried.

And what was most surprising was,

the patient comforted her instead.

I guess that was the turning point of our relationship,

even though Ina and her shared a more intrinsic relationship with her than we did.

The feeling is difficult for me to describe but I guess the word could only be "heart-rending".

Before we left,

the 3 of us went over and surprisingly,

she reached out her hand towards us.

Never did that thought cross my mind-

the thought that she would hold out her hand to reach for us.

I felt a lump in my throat and I'm sure the other 2 did too.

She wished us all the best and told us to take care.

Those were the sweetest words I heard since the beginning of attachment,

and I believe I'll always remember them as well as the warmth of her hand.

To be honest,

through this attachment,

I learnt more about the human spirit,

much more than any other newly acquired knowledge.

There's no doubt at all that life is vulnerable;

no matter the time,

no matter the place.

And even as I type this,

lives are taken away.

No matter how advanced medical technology may be,

we die.

And I believe that even if we give Mankind another 10,000 years,

there's no stopping death from occurring.

Yet, what shines through in the end is not how we preserve our physical body,

but how we shape our spirit.

Muscles weaken,

the skin wrinkles,

and the bones collapse.

But one thing's for sure,

the soul remains intact.

And from the way I see it,

many people I came across these 2 weeks have a soul stronger and braver than many healthy people I meet in my life.

And these are the people I salute to,

for I know I would never be as brave should I be placed under similar circumstances.

I think in life,

adversities are necessary,

for without crisis,

we wouldn't know how strong we actually can be.

I feel sorry to those who had been living a lifetime under sheltered arms,

for all they can ever think of is "Me, myself and I".

I hope I'll never be such a person.

The attachment's also enabled me to get to know more about the people around me.

Indeed, time proves everything.

It takes 3 minutes to know someone but probably a lifetime to really understand this person.

I guess I don't need a lifetime to know who you are, inside.

You're not an enemy,

but neither are you a friend.

Lastly,

I only hope that the patients would be healthy, and more importantly happy.

It's not about adding years to life,

but adding life to years.

Live life to the fullest,

and embrace adversities with courage and a smile.

Sometimes I get so tired sleep is all I can think about.

Sometimes my feet ache so much I can't even walk right.

Sometimes I handle so many chores I feel nauseous.

Sometimes my patients piss me off.

But sometimes,

I feel this sense of accomplishment.

Sometimes, friends give the greatest comfort.

Sometimes, I get reaffirmed that I had chosen the right destination.

And sometimes, I know that one of the best choices for me was being a nurse.

It's almost 2 am now and I probably should head to bed.

Tonight, I shall sleep really well haha :DD

Anyways despite working the PM shift today,

I had TGIF @ Island Creamery with girlfriends Daph, Vy, and Hong.

As usual, it was awesome time spent together,

and I simply love the girls to bits.

No pics this time round cause we were too busy catching up since we were in a way separated during the attachment,

though we were in the same hospital :\

But anyhoo,

we'll TGIF again after the exams!^^

That's tradition haha XDD

Miss the girls.

But for now,

it's study time!

Will plan my study schedule tomorrow!

Go Alina Go! XDD

I may not be rich,

I may not have popularity,

I may not even be significant to many,

but I have a life worth living.

Do you?

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, April 15, 2011

The reason for my strength today:

Kim Jaejoong declared, that “one day all of us will be together.”

“I wonder whether there was ever another time in which I laughed so much, with a carefree heart, as nowadays. Whenever I feel that “there is no one but us” while looking at Junsu and Yoochun, there is a twinge in my heart. I think often the thought that it’s so nice that we create things together and are together—making do, if something is here, as here, and if not here, then as not here. The fans who were worried in the beginning also know that well, and that is fortunate. I know what they are worried about but I wish that they will just keep me in their sight. We’ve endured well until now, haven’t we? I’ve always done so until now, I believe in the power of time.”

I love this boy.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

I have exactly 5 minutes!
Just wanna say,
it's my last day of attachment today!:DD
My heart's filled with both joy but also reluctance.
Anyhow,
I'm thankful for all the guidance and support from everyone in the ward for the past couple of weeks.
Only one word can describe my feelings right now,
and that is gratitude.
I'm really really thankful(:
And I'm a happy girl too^^
A&P results were out last night and I'm very, very satisfied^^
I'm now more motivated to work harder during the study week.
Heheh!
And the nurses were so high last night XDD

Daph played Mirotic video during breaktime and that's when all the madness begun lol.
I got you under my skin~

Alrighty I shall go have my shower now XDD

Last day today,

give it your all Alina!^^

P.S My Jaebaby's in a pretty good mood lately^^

Stay this way haha :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Good Morning^^
Did you all get a good sleep last night?
Hahaha XDD
I know I did.
The weather was awesome and very, very sleep-inducing.
Lol.
And because I'm on PM shift today,
I got to have more sleep(:
So right now,
I'm almost recharged(:
Being the hardworking me,
I woke up at 7.30 am this morning to do my research for the presentation this Thursday.
Sighs.
Although I understand that it's part of my learning,
I'm still pretty annoyed that we have to do additional work.
Attachment's already draining away more than 50% of our energy daily.
Who would have the time and mood to prepare for a presentation?!
Sighs.
Lol.
I know that I should keep myself organized and manage my time well.
But sometimes it's just too hard,
especially during this period.
Sleep has been winning every battle against doing work,
except on this Monday,
when I forgo my nap,
but I didn't do work either.
Sleep lost to KJJ can...
I was fangirling >.<
LOL.
Ahhh I just hope we can all relax alittle after the presentations and stuff.
I'm hoping to keep Friday's energy just for the patients.
And after Friday,
(nono, it's not the time to go crazy yet)
I'll need to start mugging for the exams.
LOL.
I must convince myself that before the 21st of May I'm not human,
but a machine.
And this machine's gotta work 100%.
I'm gonna hafta reduce my time on the laptop starting from this Saturday and really plan my study schedule.
I must do well this sem.
And I doubt I'll be going out either,
other than next Thurs.
I know I'll make it,
let's go go go!

Shall end here for now,
have a pleasant day people^^
Lol the middle of the week is one of the hardest day to get by for it's nowhere here nor there >.<
But still, it'll pass(:

You're gonna make a difference in someone's life today alina!
Do well!^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Life after Death

Too many deaths.
Too much loss.
Sometimes it really gets you thinking- where do we exactly go after death?
Is there really a place like heaven?
Or do we simply vanish into nothingness?
I guess these questions are meant to be unanswered.
I had never given much thought to death,
and even until today,
the issues relating to the subject are puzzling.

Today is the fourth death we encountered in the ward.
It didn't come as a surprise,
it didn't come as pain.
On the contrary,
it was relief and he went with peace.
I used to think that working in the healthcare profession would desensitize my emotions,
such that I would no longer feel as much for issues pertaining to death in particular.
However, I was proven wrong by myself.
It is different.
And each time it happens,
it tears a part of my soul away.
This feeling is loss.
I believe that in every stage of a person's life,
loss is inevitable,
and I believe I'm not wrong to say that we fear loss.
And with regards to death and dying,
the fear stems not from death itself,
but from what would be left behind after death.
"I don't fear death. I fear losing the people I love through death."
This is what I retrieved from the experience.
Yet, the lesson learnt in this case has nothing to do with death,
it is to do with life.
Death will no doubt come.
It is what we do with life that ultimately makes the difference;
the difference between regrets and relief.

In death, I saw life,
and with life, I have hope.

Live each day like your last,
for there's no saying when the end will come.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, April 11, 2011

Love

Love is when he looks at her and knows that she's the one.

Love is about growing and learning as one.

Love is about walking together on a common path.

Love is about understanding.

Love is about forgiving.

Love is when he holds onto her even when she's old and weak.

Love is when he caresses her hand even when they are dry and wrinkled.

Love is when he kisses her on the lips even when it's cracked and peeling.

Love is when he wakes up in the middle of the night for fear she's no longer around.

Love is when he tells her he would be there for her.

Love is letting her go first lest she feels the pain of separation.

Love is when they found joy not in life, but in the gaze of each other's eyes.

This is the love I witnessed in a mere few days of my attachment.

Some people take forever to pursue the lover of their dreams,

not realizing they may have overlooked the people they ought to have cherished.

Some people spend a lifetime seeking true love,

yet they never understood what true love means.

Once upon a time,

I believed.

I believed in true love;

that one day a man on a white horse would come sweeping me off my feet,

carrying me on his arms to the castle built on high grounds overseeing the seas.

Then when reality sank in I no longer believed.

Once upon a time,

my tears fell and my heart bled.

But right now,

I've seen it.

True love does exist.

And in this story,

it didn't occur between a princess and a prince.

It happened between a brave old man and an amazing old woman without teeth.

I believe true love exists in life,

and that it goes on even beyond death,

and death is but a temporal separation,

for one day, they'll reunite in a place called heaven.

The only regret I have is not being able to say goodbye to you in person.

May you rest in peace,

knowing that you've got a really amazing husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's only been one week and I already feel as if I've disconnected from the world.

haven't been going on twitter,

haven't been visiting facebook,

haven't been fangirling,

haven't been posting.

Even the weekends seems to pass by in a haste,

as if there'll never be enough time to spend.

Sighs.

Anyways,

I've got photos to post!

They were taken on my grandma's birthday heehee ;)))

The birthday cake(:

I don't exactly fancy fruit cake,

but grandmama likes it haha :DD

The lighted birthday cake(:

May happiness find you wherever you shall go.

<333

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Initially I had thought attachment was hard to bear.

And my opinion still hasn't changed.

Attachment IS hard to bear.

And sometimes I get so tired I feel the world caving in.

But thank god,

I have these;

simple things which kept me going:

1. Mummy's love

I don't need the best.

Because I already have the best.

Thank you Mum(:

2. My peers in attachment.

Because there're too many I can't possibly post everyone's photos here.

But deep down I'm thankful.

Even if it's a minor encouragement or a light pat,

I'm thankful,

for at least I know we're in this together(:

3. My peers outside attachment.

Sometimes a simple message lights up my day and wears that tiredness away(:

I'm thankful for that just the same.

And also,

I hope a dear friend of mine will be able to make a decision she deems best for herself.

I am not in the position to say what's right,

for there're no such thing as a right decision to make.

But I can hope for the best,

and let you know that regardless of what decision you make,

I am with you till the end(:

And lastly,

4. My energy boost-

especially that man in the middle.

Those articles had heartache written all over it.

But it just shows I wasn't wrong in loving you lol.

Be strong KJJ!

Lol.

This boy made me wanna fly to Korea so badly this morning, like for real.

Ais.

I know it's quite impossible.

But still...

I really wanna see him...

Jae why are you so far away?

Before I end off,

here's a photo I'll like to share with you people.

Lol.

My stuffed toys on death roll XDD

LOL.

Nahh they were just enjoying the sun,

on a bamboo stick>.<

Lol.

I'm heading off for dinner(:

I'm also sad that it's a Monday,

but still,

turn that frown upside down,

life goes on.

Have a great week ahead people,

it'll be over before you know it(:

P.S. I WANT A KIM JAE JOONG, CAN???

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, April 08, 2011

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."
- Samuel Johnston

Sometimes a few is enough.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, April 07, 2011

After 9 hours of sleep,

I finally feel the energy coming back.

This week was simply pure exhaustion.

And after every shift I could hardly feel my body,

like it's not mine anymore.

I was so drained out on Tuesday that when I woke up from my nap,

I couldn't recognize my room;

I had thought I was someplace else.

It was a pretty scary experience.

But it's over now.

My PM shifts will begin today.

So I'll have time in the morning for my own stuff- like blogging right now hahaha XDD

But seriously waking up at 4am each day is no joke man.

I honestly wonder how I'll survive when the night shift comes >.<

Nevertheless,

there are no regrets,

at least none up till now,

and with faith and strength I'll carry on.

I believe I'm not alone.

Alrighty I shall end off here then.

I've got an hour left.

Shall catch up on some TV;)))

Till next time,

take care people^^

Before I go,

AKTF

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, April 04, 2011

It really doesn't matter.

I don't care if you couldn't make it here.

I don't care that we were replaced.

I don't care if you were the one who made the final decision.

It really doesn't matter anymore.

Cause Baby I will love you till forever.

Tonight I really don't need anything else but you...

Boy,

you don't realize how beautiful that smile is;

you don't realize how that smile's been keeping me going.

you don't realize how much I need you to keep smiling.

As long as you're happy,

it doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing else matters anymore...

If you do ever cry again,

it'll only be tears of happiness.

My Director Kim,

right now you are my everything.

And if loving you is senseless,

I'd rather not make any sense at all.

Because everything means nothing to me without you in it.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, April 03, 2011

I feel the heat.

Do you feel it too?

Hahaha I bet it's like 47 degress celsius out there.

The sun's shining like there's no tomorrow.

And thus, I'm sweating like there's no tomorrow also.

And the overwhelming photos and videos didn't help either.

All the shots and fancams of my boy and the concert last night.

If it's any hotter I would have died of a nosebleed.

But I'm still cross with you for replacing us with another country okay.

How could you?!

You shall be temporarily replaced too!

By Mr Hyun Bin, my new love.

Humph >.<

Went to meet Ade Jung for lunch earlier :DD

It feels good to meet up and just chat about our lives now.

Even though it's only for a few hours,

I felt a positive energy,

something I haven't been feeling much lately,

due to the stress and mood swings.

I think this is something only friends have a remedy for.

They make you feel better.

I love our friendship(:

But it also feels as if I've still got lots to say.

I'll be looking forward to the next time we meet up^^

Till then, take care of yourself(:

May I find strength in weakness,

and see light amidst the darkness.

2 weeks will go by quickly,

you can do it Alina!

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Don't ask.

Like you ever cared.

Like you even bothered.

So don't act like you do now.

My life can do perfectly well without you.

The mood swings this time round are pretty bad.

I'm on the edge,

touch me and I'm gonna snap.

I cannot put up with this masquerade too long.

For now, just leave me alone.

So I can be myself.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, April 01, 2011

Woke up this morning to know of 2 things:

The first being the cancellation of Singapore's stage.

I must admit I'm rather upset about it 'cause this has been my motivation since I knew they were coming.

But come to think of it,

they're my motivation anywhere.

So it doesn't matter if they can't come this time.

I believe they'll be there for a long long long long time,

so there'll still be opportunities in the future haha XDD

Till next time, I'll wait for you KJJ!

I know you won't let me down XDD

And the second being this:

Trans:

Maybe everyone don’t know, but until now his cellphone background is still a picture of the 5 of them, even I’m touched

Baby just made my day again^^

I'm going out!

Seeya later people!

Have an awesome Friday! :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;