Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

Saturday, May 31, 2008

great...
a quiz...
two quizes to be exact...
just what i need... -.-"

Instructions:
-Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions.
-Then tag 8 people in your links list them out at the end of the post.
-Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
-Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1.At what age do you wish to marry?
hmmm. 25?

2.How many children do you want?
wahahax.
2 i guess.

3.What I want the most now?
to eat?
im hungry lol.

4.What is your favourite colour?
ermm.
i like a wide range of colours lol.

5.If you can have 1 more dream to come true, what would it be?
for happiness all round me.

6.What are you afraid to lose now?
everyone i love.

7.Do you believe in being in love forever?
hmmm.
to an extent, yes.

8.If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
hahax.
this have to depend luhh.

9.How strong(in your heart) can you be?
i think im fairly strong at times, or at least i try to be.

10.Are you optimistic?
hahax.
most of the time i try to be.

11.Which type of person do you hate most?
the usual kind- hypocrites, backstabbers blah blah blah.

12.Do you cherish every single of your friendship?
of course. -.-"

13.Have you been betrayed by any of your friend?
doubt so.
and even if so, i won't want to remember.

14.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
everyone i love?
and of course my health and everything lol.

15.Roughly, how much of an age gap would you want to have between you and your husband?
hahax.
i never thought of this lehh.
age was never really part of my consideration.
but of course i wouldn't go for someone who can be my father nahh. -.-"

16.What do you want your friend to be like?
to be who they are is more than enough.

17.What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
the "i can share with you everything" kind.

18.If you have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
my overly-paranoid side?
people tell me i worry too much for unnecessary stuff lol.

19.If you're feeling low one day, who will you go to?
hmmm.
i think i tend to keep them inside most of the time.

20.What is your current thought right now?
"GP Essay!" lol. >.<

8 ppl tagged
just
do
it
if
you
feel
like
it

Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. What have you realised recently?
that Life is a very fragile thing.

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
no. -.-"
i wouldn't give it away unless im freaking sure.

3. If you are able to choose two super powers, what would you choose?
hahax.
i wanna be psychic.
then i wouldn't be spending so much time pondering over what's in your thoughts.
ohh.
and i don't mind the ability to be able to fly at will lol.

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
ohh ohh.
right now i want go Disneyland lol.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
hmmm...
that people around me will be happy.
life seems quite sad lately.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
yeahh.
'cause i've seen it. ^^

7. What would you do if you have only one day to live?
hahax.
i thought of this before.
i think i'll be busy writing farewell letters to everyone lol.
but i'll want to spend my last moments with someone i love though.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
hahahax.
i've thought of this question too lol.
i think i'll give part of it to my family.
give part of it to my savings.
give part of it to charity.
and then im so going shopping.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
refer to qn 8 of the above.

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
- understanding
- kind
- a good friend ^^

11. Are you pessimistic?
at times bahh.
but i try not to over-do it.

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
refer to qn 11 of the above.

13. What is the one thing you cannot live without?
my health?
it is the fundamental of life lol. >.<

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
point out luhh.
but in a nice way lahh, duhh.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
de javu.
i did this question le lol.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
i think so.
though most of the time i don't buy anything.

17. What is the time now?
wahahax.
12.15 pm.

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character would you like to change?
-.-" de javu again.

19. Whats the last shocking thing you've seen or heard?
news regarding the sichuan earthquake

20. What are your current thoughts right now?
boy am i glad to have completed the quiz lol.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 25, 2008

<333

spent my saturday late afternoon watching Koizora.
the first jap movie that had me tearing.
hahax.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, May 19, 2008

wahh sianx.
restless.
and warm.
don't know what's wrong with the weather nowaways. >.<
gosh.
i won't be suprised if i see someone drowning in his/her own sweat out in the open. =X

anyways,
four more days to the holidays.
don't know if im really looking forth ornot.
except the part when i get to hangout with buddy.
my mondays are booked.
muahahax. ^^
andand.
i'll be spending the first nine days of the holidays slogging for mr pw.
9 to 6 daily.
and i'll be camping in the library lol.
gambatte to us!
hahax.
i wanna go out man.
lalala~

and ohh.
found myself glued to the radio for the past couple of days lol.
radio-addict.
hahax.
and last night i was in the living room doing maths tutorial lol.
then my handphone rang.
mama: oi. so late already. turn down your radio lahh.
me: orhh. kk.
[turns down volume]
mama: don't sleep so late arr you.
me: hao luhh. nitenite mummy.
hahax.
we're like one door apart and she had to phone my handphone. >.<
technology lol.

alrighty.
gotta study for chem test tomorrow. >.<
tatas people.

and before i end off,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TAOYAN! ^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 18, 2008

hahax.
it's currently 1.41 am sunday.
and im still sitting infront of my computer.
when im supposed to be somewhere in lala land already. >.<
anyways,
just completed my pw survey questions.
7 questions and i took like 2 hours luhh. -.-"
quality work lol.
hahax.
think it's probably 'cause my 2 hours included chit-chats in msn.
bleahx. >.<

initially intended to finish my chinese essay tonight de lol.
but i figured i wouldn't be sleeping if i should be doing my essay now. >.<
nevermind luhh.
*yawns yawns*

hao luhh.
shall sleep le.
nitenite people ^^
sweetdreams.

ohh.
and thankyou arr qian.
for chatting with me way past midnight. ^^

before i end off,
someone bless them.
give hope.
give life.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, May 17, 2008

lalala~
i woke up at 8.30 am today lol.
im usually not this early de seriously.
'cause i think i slept in super early yesterday lol.
was damn tired. >.<
and to think i intended to homework yesterday.
apparently i didn't lol.
lalala~

ohh.
and it's the sport's meet yesterday.
i practically cheered my lungs out already. -.-"
[ah nehh ah nehh!
this is for you luhh ade. hahax.]
anyways the cheering was so very exhausting lol.
and im feeling the sore now. >.<
we were mass dancing too lol.
the anyhow version.
hahax.
i had fun luhh. ^^p
despite owens got fourth place.
hahax.
you people wait till next year lol.
bleahx. >.<

ohh.
and i watched the TVBS news last night regarding the sichuan earthquake.
ais...
you xin wu li.
someone please do watch over them.
mother nature, have mercy.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, May 15, 2008

hahax.
im surprised im not asleep yet lol.
and i thought i was rather tired.
hmmm.

anyways.
just completed part of my pw.
the one reason i would be seen online lol.
>.<

*yawns*
ais.
something me maths tutor said today made me feel rather sorry siax.
and seriously,
of all teachers,
my maths teachers have to be really really nice.
that they really really make me feel so freaking guilty when i can't make it in maths tests.
my god.
hao luhh.
gotta work hard lahh girl. >.<

on a brighter note,
i had a great laugh today lol.
no offence really,
but olivia,
today really damn funny. >.<
but it's a good funny luhh though.
in a sense that it makes people happy. ^^
anyways,
gambatte for tomorrow!
run like there's a tiger behind lol.
but i think it'll work better if you're imagining me behind though.
-.-"

ohh.
and i left school at 4.30 today lol.
took the bus home and at exactly 5, when i was like 10 steps away from my door, buddy called lol.
and 25 minutes later i found myself at interchange waiting for her to alight. >.<
i feel so wei da lol.
andand!
im going gaga over this dress luhh.
ohman.
it's lingering in my thoughts lol. >.<
and it's been so long since i did real shopping.
been so long since i spent $ on other stuff except for this thing called food.
been so long since i last hanged-out.
man...
don't deprive me of hangouts this holiday lol.
i've been looking forward to the june holidays for who knows how many months ago already.
cut me some slack. >.<

im not sleepy yet lol.
hmmm.
shall dedicate the rest of my time to mr pw then.
tatas people!
nitenite and sweetdreams. ^^
love you

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 11, 2008

hahax.
im feeling happy.
im feeling blessed.
depite all the trials.
all the roadblocks ahead.
all the uneven steps in my way.
alina's glad. ^^
don't let this feeling go away again.
or at least let it stay for now.

ohh.
and i love my blogsong hahax. <333

now and forever my love

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

gosh.
the road to the holidays is pathed with much obstacles.
so very kan ke...

hai you,
wo bu hui rang ni yi ge ren la.
im here if you should need me...

sleepy me...

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, May 09, 2008

god.
it's that feeling again.
the same one i've been feeling every other day out of late.
the same one that got me all out of sorts.
god.
>.<

and i feel so very freaking facade-ish lately.
i've got to laugh when i actually feel like crying.
i've got to smile when i actually feel like sulking.
i've got to put on a brave front when i actually feel all weak.
i've got to walk when i actually feel like stopping.
i've got to pretend not to catch your gaze when i actually am.
i've got to pretend to have left you behind when i actually can't.
i've got to pretend that it doesn't matter when it actually does.
i've got to pretend that i don't love you when i actually do...
man...
i suppose i should be glad it's the weekend again.
when i need not put on stupid masks and say im okay.

anyways,
today's not too bad i suppose.
started off with bio lecture.
and im so in focus.
for once i managed to concentrate all throughout one chapter luhh.
alina loves enzymes lol.
-.-"
and yeahh pc.
did nothing more than inclined pullups and shuttlerun lol.
considered the slack-iest of all pc lessons already luhh. >.<
no running round the track lorr.
gosh.
can you imagine.
ohh ohh.
and i had my chem test today.
is a load off me shoulders. >.<
and now i fear for my gsc test next wednesday.
and the funny thing is that the teacher actually told the class the title of the essay to be written for the test lol. -.-"
ZZZZZ...
andand.
my focus level sunk to the basement during maths tutorial.
it's another 1.5 hours ehh.
but i really did try to concentrate luhh.
then i ran alittle off track till im no longer in the track already.
i was somewhere else playing hangman with olivia lol.
restlessness was in the air and i can't help not crapping luhh.
gosh. >.<
im sorry luhh. >.<
and the teacher's seriously very nice and patient lol.
hao lahh.
i will do my all to concentrate the next lesson. >.<
and i almost fell asleep in yoga lol.
anyway the best of yoga lesson is the opportunity to sleep lol.
and i think it's probably the only part of yoga i can relate to. -.-"

ohh and ade,
thankyou for spending time with me afterschool ehh. ^^
<333

hehex.
and elson's coming to fetch me from school this coming monday. ^^
i was like in msn andthen...
elson: hihi.
alina: hello.
elson: we very long never see le horr.
alina: yeahh. miss me bahh.
elson: not really.
alina: bleahx. >.<
elson: hmmm. i come meet you after school someday?
alina: really arr?
elson: ya larhh. monday?
alina: i end at 5 lehh.
elson: can can. i end at 4. i come school find you?
alina: yay! love you!
hahax.
that's something to look forward to. ^^

ohh.
and royston,
i hope i don't catch you again in jp tomorrow lol.
i've been seeing him in jp with his girl for three consecutive weeks already norr.
don't you have other places to bring your girl ehh. >.<
anyways, thankyou for your message nahh. ^^

hao luhh.
shall divert myself to chemistry tutorial now and probably gp newspaper article too.
*yawns yawns*
tatas people.
sweetdreams and nitenite ^^
love you

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

no idea why but that anger sorta died down.
somehow pain's what's eating me.

i kept faith.
i really did.
even in the darkest of all situation,
i trusted.
even with so many voices,
i didn't want to give in.
i came up with reasons.
i came up with excuses.
i wanted to believe
that there's the slightest possibility it's true; you're true.
but it came down to be wishful fairytales on my part.
and now i understand
what i did not understood.

and before i forget,
george, thankyou for today, for being there, for being around.
and im very sorry as well.
you're a good friend, always.

alina's fine.
she will be.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, May 05, 2008

thankyou for your love.

"Someone's Watching Over Me"

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

Someone's watching over me

kiddy says thankyou to buddy.
for the keychain.
for the love.

oxygen says thankyou to magnesiun.
for the mail.
for the song.
for the apples.

alina says thankyou to adeline.
for the message.
for the company.

and me say thankyou to all who loves me. ^^

someone's watching over me.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 04, 2008

awww.
i saw your post buddy.
thanks ehh pal.
appreciated that call really.
love you loads and loads.

and the talk set me thinking back about many things.
things i once held.
things i can no longer hold onto.
things i should've said a long time ago.
things i left at the corner of the room up till lately.
things i know i should never look back on again.
things im more than sorry for...

though it's been so long,
somehow you're still in there,
you still make up part of me,
part of my memory.

don't hurt me more than you already did.
i cannot withstand a second time.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, May 03, 2008

alrighty.
i ought to post yesterday.
but apparently i was lazy lol
and sleepy too.
i don't really remember what happened after falling asleep on my desk last night.
but i think i did wake up to brush my teeth though.
hahax.
anyways,
my friday felt longer than usual.
ohh ohh.
and i can finally focus well in bio lecture hahax.
'cause im usually in the "about to shut off" mode luhh.
im trying hard already norr. >.<
andthen there's pc.
two rounds warmup.
and did some exercises.
one of them was to skip like some little girl would when she goes around collecting flowers.
the sort of really happy skip that you'll probably see in cartoons lol. -.-"
hahax.
and it was particularly funny when the teacher demonstrated it luhh.
i think we went laughing like siao. -.-"
ooh.
and we played some cling-cling game siax.
lol.
and the girls made me so paisehh luhh.
'cause each of us has got to get a partner lol.
then the teacher was like finding one nahh.
and the girls like went "alina"-ing -.-"
ohman.
i would have buried myself in some burrow if i had found one.
and it went even worse when i had to chase after him nahh.
a blackhole might as well open and suck me in. -.-"
gosh...
anyways,
it was very tiring nahh.
especially with the weather luhh.
*faints*

ohh.
and i felt difficulty in concentrating during chem tutorial afterthat.
ais.
restlessness was one thing nahh.
hmmm.
nevermind lol.
and i lost all concentration in maths tutorial.
went crapping with olivia
and thinking about food lol.
i was dreaming about noodles siax.
even asked olivia to draw me one lahh.
can imagine how freaking hungry i was.
then olivia went talking about durians hahs.
i was super hungry luhh.
didn't eat a thing after pc ehh.
and then maths tutorial extended till 2.25 afterwhich jiu yoga.
wahh.
by the time it ended,
i was not at all hungry already. >.<
-.-"

ohh.
and i left school soon after ade and olivia left.
but wanted to wait for buddy nahh.
so went back again lol.
then it was already six when i returned.
waited for 1.5 hours.
george accompanied me luhh.
you didn't have to, really.
but still, thankyous ehh.
hmmm.
i think it was 7.30 when buddy ended lol.
they walked me to the busstop.
and talked to buddy till my very crowded bus came.
and in the bus i had this sudden rush of feelings.
felt low.
felt sorry.
the feelings were very real.
like i could see them already.
the ride was longer than usual.
and when i finally alighted it was 8 something.
saw pengyang at the busstop anyways.
didn't notice him till he waved lol.
and i sort of didn't want to go home luhh.
so went to the bench below my house.
sat there watching some kids play.
and very unexpectedly andy called me lol.

me: wei. (hello)
andy: oi. where're you?
me: coming home le luhh.
(walks to lift)
andy: faster lahh. so late already.
me: k luhh. you can open the door le nahh.
andy: huhh? what you say?
me: open door lahh.
(exits lift)
andy: orhh.
(hangs up)
lol.
the call's usually from my mum de.
but it feels nicer when andy calls.
then when i came home alicia even wanted to help take my bag into the room lol.
hmmm.
it feels good being pampered once in a while.
and i had dinner at 9 plus.
intended to clear some of the workload afterthat lol.
but i ended up sleeping on the desk instead. >.<
and that marks the end of my friday...
ais.
recently it's like living life one day at a time.
and that looking forward is a yesterday thing.
i don't like this feeling...

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, May 01, 2008

urghh.
this is definitely one of those days when i don't feel so good inside.
one of those days when i just feel like going away.
one of those days when i find that there's so much to keep.
so much i cannot put away.
and the load's so gonna be there for a long long time.

if you should need me to,
i'll walk with you...

-With All My Heart, Alina ;