Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Heyyyyyyyyy~

I'm like back again after a crazy 8 days.

Sad to say, I haven't gotten a good rest even after the end of attachments.

Everyday is just so...jam-packed with stuff.

Last Monday I had to return to school to hand in my attachment documents after which the 198 headed to Ikea for meatballs and salmon.

The potatoes were great, I like^^

I have a fetish for potatoes XDD

Hong had to leave early for her dental appointment so Daph and I continued our walk around Ikea and then left for Anchorpoint.

It was my first time there,

and I must say it's really not much of an attraction for shoppers cause it's so small.

But anyway,

I saw this star-shaped ring and it's so prettyyyyyyy~

Even though it's $19.80,

which is indeed way over-priced,

but I really had an urge to buy it.

In the end because I spent too much on food that day,

I didn't have enough to buy that ring :\

I still feel a tinge of regret till today lol.

Cause I probably wouldn't come across the same one again :\

Anyways,

after our walk in Anchorpoint,

we found a nice windy spot just outside the mall and sat down and chatted.

What had begun as normal conversations became a HTHT session...

In fact, I love HTHT sessions,

especially with the people I'm close to and care about.

I got to know abit more about Daph before we met in NUS.

I think people need more HTHT sessions to know ourselves better as well,

cause a friend can make you see yourself better than you can(:

So that more or less marks the end of my Monday(:

Tuesday was the day Alicia got admitted to the hospital.

I didn't go as mum doesn't want me to come home alone,

since she'll be staying over.

Honestly my mum was more drained than any of us last week actually.

She stayed over throughout Alicia's hospital stay and didn't catch enough sleep in the end.

Haix.

And I must admit that throughout the week I have my moments of frustration and anger.

Perhaps due to the feelings of helplessness,

or perhaps due to the sudden load of responsibilities that fell on my shoulders.

I guess, both.

I just wish she'll be stronger,

as in be more cheerful and positive,

so that we wouldn't be so worried and everything.

I know that having to undergo all these crap- the surgery and her recent stomach flu she contracted from don't-know-where, ain't easy,

but giving a smile once in a while isn't that difficult either...

Feeling downcasted doesn't help in the recovery at all.

At times I really don't know how to comfort her or even talk to her.

But even so,

as her sister I have that responsibility to care for her,

to talk sense into her.

Yet I cannot achieve that without feeling frustrated or angry,

since I can't see her doing anything for herself.

We can do everything for her but ultimately she's the key to her recovery.

I don't know if she understands it...

It makes caring for her difficult.

And I feel so sorry for my mum when she has to put on a happy face to cheer Alicia up,

when in the end all she got was unresponsiveness.

Haix.

And so we spent last week running in and out of the hospital.

She was finally discharged on Friday and we thought it would be easier now.

But a couple of nights ago she starting vomiting and had diarrhea.

I was like: die liao

So yesterday me and mum accompanied her to the clinic.

It was horrible.

As she's so weak we had to put her on a wheelchair.

So we pushed all the way to the clinic,

waited for at least 1.5 hours, without aircon,

and the best part is- it rained when we were about to go home.

Best.

What to do...

we had to walk under the rain then.

And when we got home I felt extremely unwell.

I already had flu and a sore throat the night before,

so I went to sleep.

When I woke up I had a fever already.

And so the whole of yesterday my mum had to care for 2 patients...

I was so worried I would fall sick or contract the stomach flu as I've got the first dry run for FOC tomorrow and it would take up the whole of tomorrow,

and I cannot afford to be sick.

But thankfully,

I'm feeling better this morning, except for a throat that is still sore,

and a newly discovered ulcer.

I'll survive.

Lol.

This seems like a pretty pathetic post.

I shall add some colours to it then:

Taken on Friday night when I dined out with Buddy @JP^^

Can you see what's the main focus of this photo?

This is epic, I like^^

Lol buddy, I'm very impressed with my skillz yo XDD

And then we decided to go for weird.

As we were somewhat embarrassed of doing the weird stuff inside,

we decided to do them outside kekeke :DD

Anyway the focus of this photo is the Boon Lay mrt sign >.<

I like the beancurd tangyuan;

couldn't resist not taking a photo with it lol XDD

I have no idea what happened O.o

Took this one so many times but didn't turn out right.

This is the closest to a good shot :DD

I like this too^^

The last photo taken that night- with Fairprice Extra yay XDD

And this marks the end of my Friday night(:

Pleasantly spent^^

Okiee I guess this has been a long enough post,

and I probably should end it here(:

Seeya all soon^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, May 23, 2011

Timecheck: 12.45am
and I'm blogging on my bed,
Alicia's sleeping away on the bed beside mine and Andy's sleeptalking.
Lol.
Couldn't really get to sleep as there's just too much on my mind...
Alicia's op will be taking place on Wednesday and this is gonna be one major surgery.
Though nobody's saying anything,
we all know that everyone's worrying.
I just hope things go well for her this time round and that she need not go through this same ordeal again.
God bless.
Anyway I'm sleeping now.
Gotta get up early tomorrow to get to school and hand in my scat form and stuff.
And 198's heading out to Ikea tomorrow as well.
I like Ikea(:
Lol.
Thats all for now then,
goodnight people(:

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Just watched A Millionaire's First Love.

My shirt got wet from all that tears.

Although the storyline's pretty predictable,

it's still a very touching movie.

At the end of it the tears just kept flowing,

although there was a part whereby I'm not sure if I was moved by the story or by JaeJoong's voice.

Either way,

it's a tearjerking movie T.T

I've been on the lappy for 5 hours already.

Shall log off and do something else(:

Annyeong~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

IT'S SHOWTIMEEE!^^

Yes, I'm backkk!

Attachment really sucked away a huge part of me.

But now that it's over,

I'm back to being myself again weeee~

Heheh!

Have got so much to blog about omg.

Don't know where to start but I'll try to make this flow as much as possible.

Let's now take a ride back to 30th April 2011(:

Spent an awesome Saturday with my loves(:

Come to think of it,

it's the first time the 3 of us hung out together beyond the walls of JJ.

Even though it's already been like 2 years or so,

our friendship hasn't changed one bit,

or rather,

we've gotten closer ever since(:

It is really amazing how we can relate to one another so well,

even though we're on separate paths,

and with the passing of so much time.

I hope there're many more opportunities coming up(:

And did I mention that it's also my first time @ Haagen Dazs?

I've got to say,

the icecream's not pricey for no reason.

They're really goodXDD

MISSES <333

No matter what happens,

let's not forget that we still have one another(:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14th May 2011:

It was a movie-weekend.

Caught 2 movies consecutively- on Saturday and Sunday,

the first being "Beastly".

It's a modern-day take on the fairytale "Beauty and the Beast".

Typical story but that's what girls go for, I guess.

Arrogant hot guy turns into ugly beast;

saves a damsel in distress;

they fall in love;

he turns back into this sweet fellow;

they live happily ever after.

That's generally how the story went.

But overall,

it's good;

we all need a little romance some time in our lives.

And on the same day we celebrated KEG's birthday.

Pretty right? (:

Taken during the preparation(:

The birthday boys.

Lol.

George -.-"

With Buddy Wong outside the turtle-shaped Mac.

It would have been a cool chillout venue if not for the crowd.

Personally, the Mac @ PM's still better.

And that marks the end of another awesome Saturday.

It wasn't so awesome at the end though.

But nevermind,

I don't keep unhappy thoughts in my mind for more than a week.

15th May 2011.

Remember I mentioned about 2 movies?

The second movie's an entirely different genre altogether.

Speed.

Action.

Drive.

Fast and Furious Five.

This is one of the best so far, I must say.

If I were to sum up my review in just one word,

it would no doubt be "Action-packed".

This is one movie worth watching(:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now let's return to 21st May 2011.

It's finally the end of attachment.

What had been merely 2 weeks felt like a month to me.

And you cannot imagine the relief I felt when the clock struck 9 last night.

This is by far one of the toughest attachments yet.

And I wouldn't have made it if not for the encouragement and motivation I received from the people around me(:

First of all,

Thank God for the strength each day,

for helping me cope with the daily adversities and overcome the obstacles along the way,

but much more than that,

thank you for my family and friends.

Thanks to Ade Jung's message of encouragement^^

Thanks to my peers at attachment,

my working partner Cass Chan,

thank you for believing in me(:

Thank you to Meihong who posted this on my wall:

Hahaha :DD

And thanks to my dad for staying up when I'm on PM shift to cook supper for me(:

But most of all,

I thank the reason I'm here in the first place- my patients.

Because of all of you,

everything was worth it.

Everything.

A child ought to be running free in the playground,

playing with toys,

and crying to be fed,

not intubated with tubes,

subjected to injections now and then,

or lying unconsciously on the bed.

After 2 weeks in the ward,

I realize that paediatrics may not be the right choice for me afterall.

I have come across death a couple of times now,

but to see a child suffering and facing death on his own,

I don't think I'll ever be able to manage my emotions.

It's time I rethink my options.

Alrighty,

and that concludes the end of my reflection on attachment.

It's the holidays now and I've got so much to do hahaha XDD

Log on into facebook and I see so many upcoming events-

genting trip, FOC, conventus etc etc.

But I'm getting all hyped up for them,

FOC in particular^^

It's gonna be a blast yay!^^

Especially when I'm with Daphy, VyVy and Meihong^^

The TGIF session last night was awesome^^

Always feel at ease when I'm with the girls(:

Won't be seeing Daph for quite some time as she'll be flying to some many places over the holidays-

Malaysia, KOREA, Batam, Bangkok, and our genting trip in between somewhere.

OMG.

This girl the money like water flowing out of the tap.

Hahahaha but it's also good for us cause we'll have souvenirs from all over the place hahaha!

She's gonna buy me the entire Nature Republic shop in Korea LOL XDD

Ahhh I wanna go Korea too,

which will happen soon.

Cass's planning the trip,

set on next summer.

Gonna hafta save $$$ soon,

but not until I clear my list for the holidays.

Needa be shopping soon too omg.

Excited yo :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Okay,

I realize it's a problem to do with chrome.

Twitter is fine when I browsed it using Internet Explorer.

Haix.

I guess I'm just feeling uptight about everything.

2 more days.

2 more days and I'll be fine.

Please... come quickly.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Damn.

All the technological devices are going against me.

Twitter's not loading in my laptop.

And I just can't sign out from twitter in my phone.

What is going on?

Sian.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 15, 2011

7 minutes.

Somehow the weekends don't really turn out the way I want them to.

It's funny how much I look forward to the weekends when what they do is mess me up even more.

I feel so sick right now;

I'm sick of explaining myself,

sick of trying to figure out what to do,

sick of being part of a place in which I have no belonging,

just sick of everything damnit.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Omg I can't believe I'm actually blogging through my phone hahaha XDD
It's a strange feeling but pretty cool at the same time,
probably cause it's my first time doing it.
Lol.
How nice.
Now I can write anywhere.
Anyways the photos taken with my loves-Ade Jung and Olivia are out^^
Wanna do a post soon,
including today's KEG birthday celebration.
Had a pretty awesome day today- movie, dinner, birthday celebration(:
Alrighty,
shall turn in now,
goodnight everybody!!!^^

P.S If there's something going on between us,
I'll be the one to say it,
so no need for wild guesses okay(:
And you, aiyo, sometimes I wish you'll keep certain matters just between the 2 of us,
or rather, not with them.
Aishh.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Wanted so much to blog yesterday but for some reason,

the blogger system was down so I couldn't.

Perhaps it's not a bad thing after all,

or I would have sprouted a whole series of vulgarities and probably ruin the good side of my image haha XDD

After a night's sleep,

I have calmed down and will now post with a peaceful mind.

Seriously,

I was really, really pissed off yesterday.

Was it just coincidental or is Friday the 13th indeed one bad day?

I am able to accept all that has happened during the first 4 days of attachment,

telling myself the road cannot always be smooth sailing and that adversities will definitely come.

But what happened last night was the ultimate.

It totally triggered me off.

I cannot reveal too much but the story generally goes like this:

The doctor just ordered to stop the IV drip for one patient and because as student nurses,

we're unable to perform the procedure,

I had to look for another nurse to do it,

and it must be done asap or blood clots would form.

So,

I went off to find a nurse,

who then directed me to another nurse.

The nurse then pulled my hand, dragged me over, and told me that she's not in charge of that bed and added:

"Hi dear, let me tell you my sad story,

I have 3 kids to take care off,

1 husband,

and actually we've overworked...

and blah blah blah..."

I didn't catch the rest of her shit because I was too busy cursing away.

But the bottom line is "She just doesn't want to do it"

and then she directed me off to another nurse.

Damn it.

You think you're the only one who've overworked?

HELLO,

I am on a no-pay job here okay,

and it's not like I'm doing any lesser than you are.

I work the exact same 8 hours shift as you are and while we are clearing up your shit,

what are you actually doing?

And why are you telling me you've got 3 kids and one husband to take care of?

Do you think I bother to give a shit for how many people you've got to look after?

If you're so overworked,

you effing quit the job, go home, and look after your 3 kids and 1 husband.

Don't you ever, ever throw me the shit that you gave me again.

And how the hell am I suppose to know which bed you are in charge in?

You people there don't even bother to know our names.

What are we to you?

"You, come here, do this."

"You, come here, do that."

Nevermind if you don't bother knowing our names,

so don't come and assume that we ought to know yours too.

Now you listen to my story, I don't give a damn for you and this shithole.

There's so much problems going on in this hell of a place I cannot mention here.

It is suffocating that I have to suppress my anger inside and can only talk about it within the four walls;

all because there's a reputation to protect,

and that reputation's not even mine in the first place.

All I can say is,

if you think that the hospital, especially the p ward,

is a place full of loving tender care,

please think again.

I swear I will never bring my own kids or even encourage anyone I know of to come here for treatment.

I swear.

No one over there deserves the slightest respect,

no one.

Integrity is the fundamentals of all principles;

and that is one thing you people do not possess.

What makes you come into nursing in the first place?

The money?

The stability?

But definitely not a loving heart that you don't have.

Initially it was just disappointment.

But right now,

I'm more disgusted.

Okay,

I'm done venting my frustration.

Hahaha I think there's no difference whether I calm down and write or not,

since the more I write,

the angrier I become.

This is definitely the worst I've come across so far.

But on a positive note,

I guess it prepares me for future obstacles as well.

And also, motivates me to work harder so that the next time I return,

I will change the entire management.

You people just wait.

All of you will be able to go home and look after your children and husbands.

Hahaha.

I wish there were more room for voices.

The freedom of speech is indeed important.

If the system is good,

we let the people know.

Likewise,

if the system sucks,

all the more we have to warn the public.

This is the healthcare system,

and it affects every single one of us.

Something ought to be done.

Anyway,

today's a happy day(:

First of all,

I need not return to that hell of a place.

Second,

the weather's been awesome,

AWESOME I say.

Just the way I like it(:

Third,

I'm catching a movie later in the evening heheh!

Time to chill yo.

Or the stress and anger might just kill me.

Ohh and yes,

fourthly,

Junsu's version of "That man" will be out today!^^

Can't wait! Hahahaha :DD

Alrighty,

I need to do some work before going out.

Have got research to do for our presentation next week.

Can't wait for next week to come and end either.

Yes yes,

shall leave now,

byeeeeeeeee~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, May 13, 2011

Just read an email from a special someone.

This email, I should have read it on the 9th,

but because I've been rather caught up with attachment and haven't got much time to spend with the laptop,

I didn't check my mail.

I was rather surprised when I saw that email cause I never thought I would receive a reply.

But what came next was none other than a thankful heart.

I was touched by every word mentioned in that mail and am even more thankful to the person who wrote that mail.

I am not alone;

had never been,

and will never be;

because I have these people around me.

People like you will always be number one to me,

regardless of how much time will pass,

regardless of how much change will come.

Yes, "the world is still a beautiful place to live in",

and I will live on bearing in mind those words.

Initially,

I wanted to rant about how horrible this attachment has been for me.

But after having read the email,

the feelings are somehow distant;

like they occurred a long time ago.

I guess that's the magic of friendships;

they give you strength.

Ade Jung,

thanks(:

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.

This is really one heck of an attachment.

Honestly I don't know how to put this into words but seriously,

it is not only physically draining,

but mentally as well.

Each day i return home feeling like a zombie and feeling as if I would throw up any moment.

And,

the weather's not making things any better either.

There's no aircon and the fans are practically blowing out hot air.

When it rained yesterday I almost cried.

It was really a relief.

Finally the air got cooler.

I lost count of how many times I thanked God for the rain.

But when it got to the afternoon,

the sun shone with a vengeance.

I got bussick on my way home and ended up with a headache.

This is one external factor I cannot do anything about.

There's also the family members at home.

I wonder if it's just me being overly sensitive but I've been rather irritated with my sis lately.

It's nothing personal but sometimes it just irks me when she doesn't really take the initiative to help out with the household chores.

Andy, at the very least, would keep the clothes,

and then I would fold them.

But Alicia would just ignore and go back to doing her work,

even though she's supposed to be keeping them.

It's always been our routine to do so.

Sometimes she doesn't even have the initiative to go and bathe.

I understand that she has her own work to do, but face it,

everyone has their own workload to handle.

And housework is something we ought to be responsible for.

Sometimes I really don't know what to do.

When I try to set a good example for them,

they simply take advantage and assume that since I'm doing the chores,

they need not do anything.

Being the oldest is indeed a burden.

Sometimes I just want to leave everything and be on my own.

Haix I know this is just one of the mood swings I'm having,

so forget it.

Anyways,

as I was saying,

what made me really upset about this attachment was the environment itself.

There's too much I cannot openly mention here due to confidentiality.

"Wei qu" are the only words that I can use to describe the past 3 days.

I had been looking forward to this attachment for a long time,

but what awaits me is none other than disappointment.

Now I just hope that the following days pass on smoothly and that we'll all be safe.

I miss my girls too :(

Haven't seen daphy and vyvy tan around as we're on different shifts in different wards.

Can't wait for TGIF @IC next week.

I want to be away from all these shit.

LOL.

Is it just me or does the "Da wei" in Zhong wu yen resembles Changmin?

I think he does resembles him!

See see!

This is 曾少宗, the guy who act in the Zhong wu yen(:

And this is our Changmin^^

相似度 = 99% LOL

Look alike right omg!

Hahahaha!

Today save pictures save until my fingers tired haha.

Yes yes baby, you are number 1^^

Shall end here now!

I'll come back again tomorrow morning provided I don't oversleep hahaha XDD

I'm on pm shift tomorrow.

Fighting!!!^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

You are one hot man aren't you Kim JaeJoong?
LOL.
Did you get fined for putting that can on top of the dustbin lid?
Hahahaha :DD

I really want to spazz but I'm really tired and I'm on morning shift tomorrow.
Have much to blog about and I'll post again soon!(:
I'm like drained omg;
but seeing their tweets is like my energy source.
Gambatte!
Anw Junsu's house is like super awesome can!
There's even an underground bar!?!?
OMG Ade Jung, you must invite me there!!!
OMG OMG!
Aww it's bye for now,
but I'll be back soon.
In the meantime,
take care of your health and stay hydrated.
The weather's really damn warm lately.
It' s an oven out there.
Drink loads of water and stay indoors as far as possible(:
Annyeong~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 08, 2011

#jyjinbeijing

I feel like flying off to Korea for their concert again!!!

Hahaha but seriously the thought did cross my mind XDD

Omo it's insane-

all the photos, fancams, and fanaccounts!

I wanna be there omg >.<

Another job well done, Director Kim^^

Lol you think one girl not enough right.

End up got 6 hands touching you all over.

Bleahh >.<

But lucky the one I love is not yoochunnie,

or I'll just cry T.T

KJS was the good boy last night.

LOL XDD

OOOOH SEE WHERE SEE WHERE???

HEEHEE! :DD

AHHHH YOU SO CUTE CAN!!!

I want put you in pocket and run away XDD

Hahaha so Beijing has seen the static hair too.

This time, not just Kim JaeJoong's but all 3 of them:

Kekeke :DD

But I thought Yoochun's one was most epic XDD

This marks the end of the last concert in Asia,

excluding the final one in Busan.

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME^^

"Gamanhi nooneul gamajoollae

Naega ibmatchweo joolsoo-itgae

WO AI NI nul saranghae

Chajatta,

Nae gyutae dool han saram"

YES KIM JAE JOONG, WO AI NI! <333

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Been fighting the flu since morning,

and the heat as well.

It's damn bloody warm can

(pardon my use of language here).

LOL.

But seriously, the heat's simply torturous.

And because of the drastic change in temperature between my air conditioned room and the outside environment,

I got the flu >.<

And I've successfully cleared like 3 packs of tissue.

Ohman.

How on earth am I gonna survive attachment tomorrow?

With this intense heat,

and this runny nose,

yeahh attachment's gonna be fun alright -.-"

I might even be passing on more germs than my patients -.-"

It's so warm that I daren't even sleep,

even though I've been craving for a nap since 2 plus.

And ohh,

Happy Mother's Day~

Lol.

But I think my mother is not very happy today.

Ohhh well.

I shall just end here and continue my family outing vids!

Woohoo!

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Fear- a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence of imminence of danger

Somehow I'm feeling really uneasy.

Yet, I can't exactly point out the cause of my anxiety,

for I myself am uncertain what it is.

Perhaps that's where the problem is- uncertainty.

It's ironic now that the exams are over,

I'm actually hoping it hadn't.

This way,

I wouldn't have the time to think about the issues that I've kept at bay for so long.

This way,

I wouldn't have the time to look at articles which I never thought would have such an impact on my heart.

This way,

I needn't be in this emotional turmoil that's killing me.

In fact, the second issue alone is enough to cast me into the abyss of sadness.

Just read an article about the 5.

Loving someone is indeed about letting go,

so that they can be free to live their lives, for themselves,

and not for us, not for anyone else.

It's sad to know how we're all hurting;

it's sad to see how things turned out like this.

But it's even more painful to know that they're the actual victims.

After everything, maybe saying goodbye is the only right thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Sighs*

Alina just lost all the mood and inspiration for writing.

Usually the words simply pop out into my head like a pre-written letter.

But today,

it appears to me that the letter is sort of in pieces.

No matter how I try to put it,

it just doesn't seem to fit.

And even as I type this,

it is taking too much out of me just to think.

It's crazy.

I should just stop here.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Just watched TVXQ- The Star Show.

Hmmm.....

how to say lehh....

Initially I opened up alot of tabs,

all loading their videos.

But I guess now,

it's better if I go to bed.

It's enough for today.

I can’t read your feelings since you try not to meet eyes with me,
Because I feel like a lost child, I just wait
Thruthfully, I know what you’re going to say,
But I can feel that it’s not your whole heart; your tears tell me
Don’t say goodbye,
I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,
I can hear you heart; You still just want me,
You can’t hide it, you can’t lie
I won’t allow it – your lie of wanting to seperate,
Look in my eyes and tell me,
It’s not…it’s not the truth
Don’t say goodbye,
I can hear your heart telling me not to let go of your hands,
I can hear your heart; Even if the world turns its back on us; Even if it’s a painful love,
You are my love, you are my soul
Don’t say goodbye, don’t leave me now,
The promises we’ve shared is everything to me
Don’t say goodbye, you are my everything to me,
My tired days only look for you,
Like a pond which won’t dry, I’ll love you,
You are my love, you are my soul
Don’t say goodbye, you are the only one for me,
As if nothing has happened, if today passes,
Let’s not let go of each other, and we’ll make it through,
Cause you are my everything to me,
Cause you are my everything to me

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

It's 12am now.

Saturday.

Must time move on so quickly?

Can I just have one day,

just that one day?

Cause right now my life just seems like a machine running on full speed.

2 weeks of attachment,

a week of crazy mugging,

2 weeks of exams.

Andd now,

another 2 weeks of attachment.

I'm really tired.

Neither my mind nor my body has really taken time off of this insane roller coaster ride.

And because of this,

my mood's greatly affected as well.

The sensitivity's acting up again.

And I can't help but feel angsty.

And as it happens I start to wonder if the feelings I'm facing now are sudden or are they built up over a period of time.

I believe some of them are prolonged issues.

And I believe that I'm just a coward.

"Don't give up!", "You can do it!", "There's always a way"

Such words can be said without much energy.

But when it comes to doing it,

I must admit,

I don't even have that energy.

Right now I just feel stupid.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, May 06, 2011

In another 20 minutes I'll be leaving to take my final paper >.<

Although it's gonna be quite a straightforward paper,

I don't know why I'm feeling the nerves right now >.<

Could it be anxiety?

Worry?

Or perhaps excitement?

LOL.

I think it's a mixture of all 3 >.<

Don't like this feeling though.

It's like the fight-or-flight system responding.

And I keep having the feeling that I needa use the toilet >.<

Lol.

Anyway,

just 60 MCQs away from freedom(:

Heh.

And at 4pm today I'll be like exam-free wahahaha!

Yay!

Bye for now!;)))

P.S JAE'S lotte solo pics outttt!

WOOHOO!!!

LUB LUB LUB <333

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Even though it's not 12am,

but...

can I say this now...

THAT JUNSU DAY IS OVERRRR!!!!!

Hahahaha!

IT'S JAEJOONG'S DAYS FROM NOW HAHAHAHA!

Just one post and my heart is swayed.

Lol Jaejoong ahh Jaejoong,

your powers damn strong...

I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU <333

Hahahaha goodnight people!!!

All the best to me for the final paper! :DD

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

GUESS WHAT DAY IS IT?

IT'S JUNSU DAY!!!!!

HAHAHAHA XDD

DIE.

I NEEDA GO WATCH SOME JAEVIDS TO CLEAR MY MIND,

IF NOT THE JUNSU CHARISMA WILL DEVOUR ME ALIVE HAHAHAHA XDD

Sucha wonderful day spent mannnn!

I haven't been so happy for a long long long long time.

Just sitting in the living room,

laughing at videos,

and watching my favourite boys.

OMG heavenly feeling hahaha.

The feelings of freedom.

But I know it won;t last long,

since I've got a paper tomorrow.

I'm gonna hafta practice self control powers and end here for today.

I've still got so many to watch!

FAMILY OUTING DAEBAK!!!

I watched alittle on the episode featuring TOP as well.

ROFL LOL!

But the best episode is still the one with TVXQ!

YAY!

I GOT THE POWER NOW!!!!

Off to shower then later to study^^

TGIF with my girls tomorrow!

Can't wait!!!

And I'll video spam tomorrow night hahaha!

Time is so not on my side as attachments will begin next week,

gotta keep up!

YAY!!!!

I'M LEAVING BYEEEEE FOR NOW!

P.S

JUNSU AHH!

YOU REALLY VERY CUTEEE LEHHH!

<33333

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

YAYEEEEE!!!!!^^

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Freedom's right at the doorstep now;)))

and soon it'll be within my grasp hahaha :DD

I'm left with the last paper- psychology,

which will take place on Friday heheh XDD

But since the tough papers are all over,

I'm more or less done! XDD

So happy now hahaha XDD

Can finally sit down and do the things I wanna do(:

No need to bother about the time and how much work is left undone,

no need to be concerned over how much notes is left unread.

I can just slack :DD

LOL.

And I'll start off with spamming the videos I swore to reward myself with after today's paper :DD

So byeeee for now!:DD

P.S Was listening to Crazy Love on my way to school today!

그댈 사랑해요 BABY I LOVE U~

YES KIMJAEJOONG! I LOVE YOU!

He sounded so sweet lahh!

OHMYJAE You're my crazy love~

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Monday, May 02, 2011

Alicia's form of encouragement^^

Hahaha and with that I cleared my revision!

My fingers are probably maimed by all that writing.

I can't really feel a thing and even typing on the keyboard poses great difficulty as I can't seem to bend them properly.

*faints*

This is what you get for writing notes for 6 hours straight.

Madness, simply madness.

But but but but but,

IM LIKE FINALLY DONE HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I wanna like shout across the building,

jump about like nobody's business

and then laugh like crazy.

LOL.

I am feeling rather proud of myself now hahaha XDD

And what's left to do now is to study them -.-"

Lol.

it's funny how you think you're done when you're actually not.

Aish.

I just want this to end quickly.

And I never thought I would have time to come online either!

Even though it's only for about 30 minutes,

it's pleasurable.

I'll be giving tuition afterwards followed by revision on my psychology module.

I am indeed wonderwoman-.-"

4 more days,

4 more days and I'll be free.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, May 01, 2011

10 THOUGHTS ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW:

- I wish exams were over

- The laksa today was way too spicy

- Because of my slackism syndrome, I needa burn the midnight oil to study tonight

- Family makes me happy, even though they could be annoying

- For every minute I'm typing in here, I'm losing family time together

- I want to watch alot alot alot of movies, the first being "Beastly"

- My shoulders are aching again. Why are my shoulders aching?

- KIM JAEJOONG

Hahaha this man appears on my mind 3 times each second.

I think I'm going crazy haha.

But what to do,

this man makes people go crazy over him >.<

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The pleasures of the mighty are the tears of the poor"

-mjjeje

KJJ is an inspiration hahaha XDD

Don't know why,

but it feels as though a long time has passed since I last used the laptop.

Anyways,

I've been slacking alittle bit too much these couple of days.

It seems that the word "holiday" is a very powerful word,

such that it can mislead you into thinking that you're gonna have all the time in the world.

But the truth is,

the holiday merely lasts for a day -.-"

And today is a day I gave in to too many temptations.

Apparently,

the temptation to come online broke through my weak and futile resistance.

I really, really need to work on that something called willpower-.-"

*Shakes head*

On the bright side,

I cleared one set of notes.

Ohh who am I kidding...

"Bright" is definitely an overstatement.

One set of notes across 3 days is not cool.

I vow to finish the second set before I sleep,

and I'm gonna stick by that vow,

even if it means not sleeping.

Humph.

You're going down, Mr Physiology, you lousy piece of crap >.<

I can't wait for the papers to be over,

or at least the A&P paper.

For me,

exam stress hits the peak when it's in the middle.

On one hand,

I fear the results of the ones already taken,

while on the other,

I fear for my performance for the ones yet to be taken.

Yes, I'm a very ironic person -.-"

Ohh yes,

I've been thinking a lot about my holidays.

Even thought I know it's not good to be thinking about it now as I should save some brain power for stuff like dendrons, medulla, ampulla and blah blah blah...

But sometimes it just can't be helped.

It's like reaching for a mirage when you're dying of thirst in the middle of a hot desert.

It gives you hope,

even though yes, it's faraway >.<

I think I'm gonna assign an ATAT someday during the holidays.

Hahaha are you wondering what's ATAT is?

Recently I found out HTHT actually means "Heart to heart talk"

Omg I know Im slow.

But yes, I'm usually slow at stuff like this.

Took me like forever to figure TGIF -.-"

Anyway, ATAT means Alina Tan's Alone Therapy.

I figured I really need times like these.

I'm definitely not an utter introvert but I guess sometimes you spend so much time with others you forget about the most important person- yourself.

And I love being in the middle of the crowd with nobody knowing who I am.

I even planned out my route for the day haha XDD

It'll just be me, myself and I then(:

Another reason for the anticipation of the holidays would be the awesome upcoming events!

There's just so many I can't list everything here.

It'll be a blast,

or so I hope ^^

The energy I used for revision,

the time I burnt for the notes,

the brain cells I murdered for the papers,

the sleep I lost to all the studying,

I'm gonna get it all back,

by giving twice as much energy to playing during the hols hahaha :DD

Alrighty,

I shall end here before I get too carried away,

which I think I already am XDD

2 more papers to go Alina,

YOU KNOW YOU GOT IT!

And I'm happy to know that I'll be spending my next attachment with Cass again.

Put a SUJU fan and a TVXQ fan together and you get insanity all over the place.

And this time,

we'll be working in the paeds department,

meaning we'll get to mingle with the kids heheh!

I think we'll fit perfectly well in there hahaha!

Okok I really have to leave now!

Byeeee peeps!^^

-With All My Heart, Alina ;