<body> Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

THE GIRL

Photobucket Arrived a gemini with a great deal of divided personalities. For one thing, I can laugh at one moment and be upset the next. But Im not the hardest person to get along with, certainly. I came to be me on 10th June 1991. Spent the last nighteen years of my life in attempts to piece myself together, and is still desperately trying. Family and friends are my life. At least that's the way it is till a boyfriend comes along XD Anyway, icecream's my addiction, my medicine, my must-have. Now you know how to make me happy. I dont need expensive gifts I just want a true heart. I'm majorly affected by the people around me. Can't say if it's a blessing or a curse, 'cause the little things people do can either make my day or simply make it worse. Just give me a smile, and I'll return one to you^^

Photobucket KimJaeJoong: My Prince, MY Love, MY JAEBABY

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    TALK TO ME




    CREDITS

    DESIGNER: ice angel


    Brushes: aethereality.net

    Friday, November 25, 2011


    After much effort and sleepless nights,
    it's finally Friday,
    and the third day of my finals.
    A part of me feels the excitement of impending freedom,
    whereas another part fears it.
    Because somehow I feel that it wouldn't turn out as wonderful as I imagined it to be.
    Somehow,
    there's just this bad feeling :(
    I hope it's just me and my paranoid thinking.
    Anyways,
    I'm taking the Mental Health exams today,
    one of the few mods which I have more of an interest to,
    since one of my first few aspirations (besides a farmer (and I still haven't given up on that dream)) was to be a psychologist,
    because issues pertaining to the mind has always been intriguing.
    So,
    I hope I'll be able to do well today(:
    unlike yesterday's paper,
    which was beyond horrible.
    But I've gotta admit that I didn't put in as much effort as I did for the others in preparing for that paper,
    also partly due to the lack of quality and adequate information in the notes provided -.-"
    Lol.

    An issue has been stressing me out quite a bit lately,
    even though I know I shouldn't give it much thought right now cause I'm still in the midst of the exam period.
    To be able to be within an arm's reach to the people of your dreams,
    isn't that something everyone seeks?
    But then again,
    I'm not the only one dreaming that dream.
    The competition is so intense I feel that the chances are slim hahaha.
    Shall just do my best and let fate do the rest.

    Come to think of it,
    I actually have another issue at the back of my head.
    And sometimes when tiredness sets in at night,
    I couldn't help but think about it.
    Tomorrow's the day we're meeting,
    after 2 weeks.
    Once again I'm experiencing the contradiction of my feelings.
    Should I be happy?
    And if I should, why am I feeling this uneasy?
    My logical mind gives me plenty of reasons not to do what my heart says.
    Because I don't want to regret my decision,
    because I don't want to undergo the same pain,
    because I don't want to be part of another deceit game,
    because deep down I know if I were to make this decision based on feelings only,
    it might not be a happy ending.
    But in the end,
    the problem still lies with me.
    Because I don't have the confidence to make this work,
    even though right now we are both happy,
    but who can promise it'll be the same years later,
    or even months later?
    In the past I've never given much thought to all the negativity before and allowed my heart and feelings to take reign of many things,
    but as I grow up,
    I find that it's not that feasible.
    It's easy to fall in love,
    too easy,
    and we all lose ourselves in the present,
    that we forget,
    forget to think about the future.
    I don't simply want to secure the present,
    I want to know that there's also a future...
    I guess eventually fate will decide,
    I just hope till then we'll keep things this way.
    It's for the best.

    After today's paper I'll be 3/4 relieved haha XDD
    It's too early to prepare for Christmas but I'm all prepared for the holidays! :DD
    Until next time,
    everybody have a great Friday!^^
    Chillax and lay back^^

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;