In a blink of an eye,
another year is at its end.
As we say goodbye to 2010,
another year awaits,
seemingly impatient,
for I have already seen Chinese New Year decorations hanging in shops when I walked by them today.
Very soon,
the familiar Chinese New Year tunes will be playing and we would all be immersed in yet another festive season.
However, it's not my intention to post about the future,
but of the past;
of the significant events that happened in my life in the year 2010.
Looking back at 2010,
it feels like I'm peering through the window into someone else's life.
The events that occurred seem so far away now,
yet, each story behind that window made me who I am today,
for without them, I would definitely be a different person right now.
I can't say if it's a good or bad thing they occurred.
You decide?
Year 2010 has been an eventful year, a year of change I would say,
and you'll know why.
The top 5 major events for me in 2010:
1. A Level Results
I thought I would die that day,
that I was finished,
that I would spend the rest of my life working for a grouchy old man in a joyless place called "Joyland Student Care Centre",
that I would never advance further than that.
I had never been so worried for academic results in my entire life,
though a part of me already had an idea how I would fare- badly.
And I thought I was ready to accept it.
But when face to face with reality,
you can never be ready.
The results were out,
and strangely what I felt was not the disappointment I had expected,
it was relief,
relieved that I had grades decent enough to at least give me a place in university.
And at that moment,
I guess that's all that mattered to me.
So personally,
the first event ended off fairly okay.
2. Alicia's torn knee ligamentI remember it was a tough period,
not only for her,
but for the entire family as well,
especially my parents,
who had to reschedule their lives in order to care for her;
my mother in particular,
she truly suffered.
Those difficult times lasted even after her stay in the hospital.
There were regular check-ups,
wound-dressings,
and my mother had to send her off to school and pick her up again every single day.
This threatened her employment in the company,
which she eventually lost.
But, I think God always has a way of looking out for you.
The event binded my family closer together,
I think,
for we were able to think for one another more,
to give more than we take,
to be more understanding towards one another.
So, to me, this was a blessing in disguise,
although I wouldn't like something like that to happen in my family, ever again.
Of course,
there were times when we each felt lonely,
helpless and lost in the situation,
like Andy,
who told me one night that the family's not the same anymore.
I didn't know what to say then and the conversation ended in silence.
If I could reenact that moment once more,
I would have told him that this is merely temporary,
and if we can go through it together,
we'll be stronger than before.
Perhaps this is my regret from that event,
for not being able to reassure my brother,
and for that, I felt like I wasn't a good enough sister.
But,
we overcame it anyhow,
and like I mentioned,
much stronger than before.
And P.S my mother got another job with better prospects and at walking distance from our home.
I thank our lucky stars for that.
And I guess the second event went well.
3. Chajatta, TVXQ
I know this may sound superficial,
like what great impact can an idol pop group have on you?
Yet indeed,
I regard it one of the best things that have happened to me this year.
It is difficult to put in words how strongly I feel about them,
but it's a resting place for my mind, and heart I suppose.
It's a happy feeling, even though it may be feeling happy for someone else,
someone who doesn't even know of my existence,
but I feel happy all the same,
and I think this is sufficient.
4. Knowing my mother for the first time in a long time
Not so long ago,
as some of you will know,
I wasn't on good terms with my family,
and it got so bad we were like strangers living in the same place.
I won't go into details but if there's something I learnt from that experience,
it is that there's no greater love than the love a mother has for her child.
And no other love in this entire universe can ever, ever beat that.
Even though sometimes I throw petty tantrums and say nasty things,
deep down there's always a voice that rings,
saying you know you'll never find another mother like her that can withstand all these rubbish you're throwing at her.
I saw my mother in another light that day.
I know she needs me,
not only as her daughter,
but as an elder sister to the other two as well,
and I will strive to be that girl for you abu.
Despite the way things started out,
I see that it ended well.
5. Entering Nursing
As I mentioned before,
the thought of nursing had never passed my mind before.
And if it weren't for my less-than-okay results,
I'd probably not have gotten into this course.
Yet, fate has a funny way of working things out,
and here I am,
a nurse-to-be,
and proud of it.
So don't ask me "Why?" anymore,
for my answer will only be "Why not?".
Nursing has changed a large part of my life,
including the way I view people,
the way I manage things,
the way I feel about life,
and I know that it will continue to change me,
for the better hopefully.
This family,
I cherish very much,
because I know,
they are people I can put my trust in,
not merely throughout my future career,
but throughout the rest of my life as well.
I am honestly thankful for all the wonderful people I met,
all the amazing friends I've gained throughout the years.
Although not every friendship worked out the way I wished they did,
there are still those which are worth cherishing.
And because I am someone who doesn't believe that good things will keep happening to me,
sometimes I feel afraid,
that one day I might wake up to find all these missing from my life,
because I know that I won't be so lucky forever,
that there're things we have to work for,
so to my friends out there,
I hope that wherever you are,
don't forget that we're connected by something not visible to the eye but felt by the heart,
something called friendship.
I hope you don't forget,
as I will not.
And on the last day of the year,
I hope to seek the forgiveness of anyone I've offended or hurt,
I swear they weren't intentional.
May new friendships blossom in the year to come and may old friendships hold on to the bond that made us friends in the first place.
Lastly,
I also came up with 5 resolutions for year 2011.
1. To spend more time with my family wherever possible.
2. To be a better daughter for my parents and a better sister for my siblings.
3. To be more accepting and forgiving- accept what I cannot change and forgive people for I myself need forgiveness as well.
4. To be stronger, for myself, not for others.
5. To study hard for my upcoming modules as I know the road ahead's not gonna be made of marshmallows and candy floss.
Every end is a new beginning.
I begin mine with a thankful heart,
that everything has found its place and that another year awaits me to explore.
How about you, how will you begin yours?
With that, I end my final post of the year.
Arrived a gemini with a great deal of divided personalities.
For one thing, I can laugh at one moment and be upset the next.
But Im not the hardest person to get along with, certainly.
I came to be me on 10th June 1991.
Spent the last nighteen years of my life in attempts to piece myself together, and is still desperately trying.
Family and friends are my life.
At least that's the way it is till a boyfriend comes along XD
Anyway, icecream's my addiction, my medicine, my must-have.
Now you know how to make me happy.
I dont need expensive gifts I just want a true heart.
I'm majorly affected by the people around me.
Can't say if it's a blessing or a curse, 'cause the little things people do can either make my day or simply make it worse.
Just give me a smile, and I'll return one to you^^
KimJaeJoong: My Prince, MY Love, MY JAEBABY 