<body> Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

THE GIRL

Photobucket Arrived a gemini with a great deal of divided personalities. For one thing, I can laugh at one moment and be upset the next. But Im not the hardest person to get along with, certainly. I came to be me on 10th June 1991. Spent the last nighteen years of my life in attempts to piece myself together, and is still desperately trying. Family and friends are my life. At least that's the way it is till a boyfriend comes along XD Anyway, icecream's my addiction, my medicine, my must-have. Now you know how to make me happy. I dont need expensive gifts I just want a true heart. I'm majorly affected by the people around me. Can't say if it's a blessing or a curse, 'cause the little things people do can either make my day or simply make it worse. Just give me a smile, and I'll return one to you^^

Photobucket KimJaeJoong: My Prince, MY Love, MY JAEBABY

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    TALK TO ME




    CREDITS

    DESIGNER: ice angel


    Brushes: aethereality.net

    Saturday, October 30, 2010


    i can't believe im actually saying this,
    but lately it just seems as if (excess) sleep is a waste of time.
    i just realise that there's so much i want to do.
    sometimes i just wish time would stay still while i enjoy my few moments of pleasure.
    i guess that's the way for everyone.
    who wouldn't want happy moments to last forever?
    anyway,
    today marks the end of my "Fundamentals of Nursing" module.
    it's a mixture of feelings and even though i felt happy and sad at the same time,
    i must say the sadness definitely overrides the joy.
    strangely,
    it's only been a couple of months,
    and usually i wouldn't be so emotionally attached,
    given also the short period of time we spent together.
    (we only had around 12 lessons?)
    i don't remember feeling this way even when i parted with my JC class of 2 years,
    (with an exception of a few really close ones)
    yet this class of 3 months really got me affected.
    in fact, now that the semester's coming to an end,
    it feels as if we're all graduating and parting soon.
    everyone was like saying how much they're gonna miss class and everything.
    i even felt alittle teary during today's closing circle.
    how strange.
    when we've still got like 2.5 years more to go,
    some 3.5?
    maybe it's largely because fundamental's the first class i had,
    and it was in that class that i got to know so many great people,
    and then my 198 trio.
    i remember complaining to devon how sad i was,
    going to a tutorial with barely anyone i knew and no one from my OG,
    and now here i am, missing all my mates in that group.
    even though i can't say that im close to each one of them,
    some i hardly ever speak to even,
    but each one of them makes up family,
    and with family, you'll always feel that sense of familiarity.

    Photobucket
    MY SECOND FAMILY^^

    Photobucket
    My PIP Group(:
    taken after our graded presentation!

    it's 3am. now!
    guess i should sleep.
    my body clock had been tuned to follow CARPET'S (my hamster! who has been running on and off his wheel for the past 2 hours, guess that's the way of him telling me he's there to accompany me!),
    as i was saying,
    my sleep habits are alittle haywired,
    owning to all those crap assignments and hellish Anat&Physio CA2,
    and it's about time i finetune it back(:
    goodnight people.
    i hope life's treating you fairly enough!(:
    HWAITING!

    P.S. ADE JUNG!
    ALL THE BEST!
    & I REALLY HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!^^

    P.P.S. I CAN'T EVER GET ENOUGH OF YOU~

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;

    Friday, October 29, 2010


    i always thought if i had given my best,
    i needn't worry about a thing,
    i needn't feel remorse,
    i wouldn't feel the way i do right now...
    it makes me wonder,
    how sufficient is sufficient?
    and when enough really is enough?
    everything i do,
    for everything and everyone i care for,
    i aim to give my all.
    but there are times when it's just painful.
    what am i living for, exactly?
    more often than not,
    living for yourself is harder than living for everybody else.
    the one who stands for his beliefs is forever lonely,
    i must remember that.
    everyone have choices, they say.
    but do we really?
    sometimes i feel that it chose me instead.
    and where did it led me?
    i guess, heartache.

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;

    Friday, October 22, 2010


    it's 3.04 am now and im pretty sure by the end of this post it's gonna be like 3.15 already?
    and im struggling to decide whether to sleep or just keep awake for school tomorrow,
    cause lesson's in the morning and im certain 4 hours of sleep is not gonna be of much use.
    maybe i should just enjoy the stillness of the night and indulge in the voices of my love hahaha XD
    strangely, with their songs playing in the background, the drowsiness didn't haunt me as much, not saying it didn't at all.
    i ain't superwoman hahaha XD
    anyway, guess no other day can beat the scale for today.
    today's definitely won "The lousiest day of the week"
    first,
    i woke up with absolutely no drive for school,
    but because attendance's worth a frigging 2% and my grades really can't afford any more discounts,
    i had to draggggg myself.
    and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
    the first thing i did when i reached school was to go to the toilet.
    and wala, shit happens, not literally but yeah.
    i felt like utter shit for the entire day that followed.
    ahh sometimes it really sucks to be a girl.
    you've got to deal with that stupid shit every month,
    what's worse is to handle those frigging extreme mood swings.
    it's like being strapped on an emotional rollar coaster that seems to ride on forever.
    and you feel like no one understands.
    and then i become all sensitive and cry for no frigging reason.
    what the hell.
    i feel like im going mental.
    is this normal?
    damn.
    it's times like this when i don't feel like being with people.
    we had a lecture earlier regarding interpersonal relationships and damn,
    people-people relationships are like the craziest shit in the world.
    how can there be so much considerations in a relationship?
    it's awesome if we get along.
    but if we don't then just shooo.
    is it that difficult?
    in fact, it is that difficult.
    how come we can't all be pigs?
    eat and sleep eat and sleep without a care in the world?
    and there's no need to worry about inter-pig-al relationships since there's no way to have conflicts and there's no need to resolve any.
    whatever.
    nothing beats being alone right now, doing the stuff i want.
    i know it's abit too early to be saying this now,
    but honestly i would really like a break.
    like travel somewhere or something.
    just wanna get away from all that deadlines and workload and that stupid haze.
    it's freaking hazy out there, you can't see further than the third block from where you're living and people are smoking the environment away.
    if Mother Nature can speak, she'll swear at us.
    anyway to all those people who still thinks that uni life is a place for fun and games,
    reality check for you.
    it's fun only when grades don't matter.
    LOL.
    looks like i've rant on about almost everything's that's bothering me now.
    sometimes i wish there's a channel where i can rant it all out, like really get them off my chest.
    but too bad some things are meant to be left unsaid...

    anyway, i really really want a holiday!!!
    not somewhere where there's only shopping malls but somewhere with scenery maybe.
    i see myself sitting on a huge grassland with sheeps wandering off freely, eating grass lazily and little children running around, playing.
    the fragrance of sweet-smeeling flowers lingers in my surroundings.
    the sun is setting, reminding me i should leave for home, where he will be waiting, with dinner ready.
    i call the kids....
    Lol.
    im convinced i need to sleep.
    to the bed where fantasy exists, thankfully.
    goodnight everybody!
    good morning actually, it's 3.45am already ><


    -With All My Heart, Alina ;

    Thursday, October 14, 2010


    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
    WHAT'S THAT WORD AGAIN????
    RIGHT... HECTIC!!!!!
    crazy crazy week mannnn.
    and it's gonna be even crazier next week.
    2 project presentations and 1 40% assignment *faints*
    i never liked doing presentation, not to mention presentations.
    and just when you think you're suffocating,
    they set an assignment due in the same week to ensure that you truly suffocate.
    crappppp.
    these couple of days have been "sleep later, wake up earlier" for me.
    bleahh.
    usually it's just "sleep late, wake up early"
    ;((((((((
    arghh.
    so many deadlines, so little time;(
    and before i proceed to "sleep even later and wake up even earlier",
    i had better go sleep now.
    goodnight people!!!

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;

    Friday, October 08, 2010


    YAY^^
    im a happy happy girl^^
    as mentioned in my previous post,
    i have a list of deadlines to meet,
    and i've managed to keep to it thus far (thank god),
    therefore accomplishing most of the stuff required for my project works hahaha.
    so i can peacefully concentrate on my revision for digestive system this weekend,
    and probably still left with spare time to spend with my jae & dbsk^^
    YAY XD
    that's probably one of my strongest motivation to complete my work(:
    who says fangirling must be a bad thing???
    anyway,
    the week hadn't been all smooth-sailing, unfortunately,
    especially in the past couple of days,
    felt like a screwup in my respective project groups.
    1. didn't turn up for PIP meeting on wednesday due to some miscommunication.
    this left me feeling so guilty i was in such an awful mood the entire day ><
    but lecture that day was slackish.
    in fact, lecture these days are not exactly worthy of attendance, oops :X
    that's my own opinion lol, sorry ><
    as i was saying,
    wasnt at the receiving end of the lecture on wednesday XD
    sadly i was kpoping with jolyn at the back XD
    something i learnt that day:
    alina+jolyn=crazy XD
    and yeahh 2. on thursday morning,
    the plan to "Not to screw anything up",
    obviously failed.
    i didnt edit and send my report to my leader:(
    which i felt equally as awful.
    lol i just don't like the feeling of "not getting things done right",
    makes me feel like im lagging the team:(
    but it's all good now:)
    today's discussion got us somewhere and im glad we've found the direction cause previous discussions weren't too fruitful.
    so it's one of the things to be happy about today^^
    another thing to be joyful about:
    it's another week to JYJ's showcase!
    and boy am i excited^^
    im simply basking in the feeling of anticipation.
    hahaha XD
    and yes, VAMPIRE DIARIES SEASON 2 IS OUTTTTTT!!!!!
    lol. and my damon is hotter than ever!!!
    *drools*
    realised i've got this thing for "bad" boys now.
    so you can imagine what a happy happy girl i am now,
    switching between jae baby and damon.
    O.O
    and that sums up my weekend^^
    alittle hiccups in the middle but ended pretty nicely(:
    the bottomline is, IM HAPPY^^
    enjoy your weekends people^^

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;

    Wednesday, October 06, 2010


    ais.
    i still remember it was only yesterday when i told buddy that "i feel lost because i had nothing to do."
    crap.
    somehow someone answered my call and now i feel overloaded with suffocating deadlines.
    i've really gotta be mindful of what i say man.
    well,
    my checklist:
    FON Case Study- latest by Sunday
    FON PBL Research- to be completed by tonight
    Active Ageing Project- latest by Saturday + meetup on Friday
    PIP Project- TBC
    Revision For CA2 (Digestive Tract & Urinary System)- Latest to start by Sunday

    shit load of work.
    mygod.
    i don't think we can meet up this week either buddy T.T
    and there goes my weekends, AGAIN.
    BURNOUT ><
    ais.

    Time management+STRONG self-control-(DBSK :'( +Sleep+ TV+FB+Blog)= Tada! Work Complete
    yeahh.
    after this fullstop all i'll be lacking is a life.

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;

    Saturday, October 02, 2010


    MY BABY'S COMING AND IM SO GONNA SEE HIM!!!
    JAE BABY~

    -With All My Heart, Alina ;