Underneath The Smile, The Pain Resides

THE GIRL

Arrived a gemini with a great deal of divided personalities. For one thing, I can laugh at one moment and be upset the next. But Im not the hardest person to get along with, certainly. I came to be me on 10th June 1991. Spent the last nighteen years of my life in attempts to piece myself together, and is still desperately trying. Family and friends are my life. At least that's the way it is till a boyfriend comes along XD Anyway, icecream's my addiction, my medicine, my must-have. Now you know how to make me happy. I dont need expensive gifts I just want a true heart. I'm majorly affected by the people around me. Can't say if it's a blessing or a curse, 'cause the little things people do can either make my day or simply make it worse. Just give me a smile, and I'll return one to you^^

KimJaeJoong: My Prince, MY Love, MY JAEBABY

LEAVE

2E1`05 4E1`07
NUS NURSING
BUDDY
AIKSONG
BEETENG
BOONYANG
CHUANLIANG
DINGSIAN
CINDY
ERVIN
GUOTING
HONGJIE
HUILI
IRA
JEAN
JINWEN
JINXIAN
JINYI
JOCELYN
JUNRI
KARYAN
KELLIE
LUTING
MADELEINE
MINGHAO
OLIVIA
QIAN
REUBEN
SAMANTHA
SHAWN
SHENN
SHIQI
SHIRLEY
SOOKYING
STELLA
TAOYAN
TOMMY
VANICE
WEIFANG
WEIJIE
WEIXIAN
WENDY
XUANXIN
YANGMENG

DOWN MEMORY LANE

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TALK TO ME

CREDITS

DESIGNER: ice angel

Brushes: aethereality.net

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Hello there(:
It's been a very long time since I visited this site haha.
Initially,
I had wanted to simply abandon blogger and go for wordpress instead.
But because I haven't exactly figured how to go about using wordpress,
I decided to just hold the idea there,
for now kekeke(:

I know it's been a while,
but I haven't given up on blogging.
It's just that sometimes when the inspirational juices start flowing,
I don't get the time to write.
And when I finally do,
the juices had stopped flowing haha.
And so,
many posts which were supposed to be here,
aren't >.<
Well,
it's always been a practice of mine to write a conclusive post at the end of each year to sum up the main events which made an impact in my life.
But I realized,
(in addition to the fact that I haven't got much time to write due to attachments)
there's just too much to write about last year.
So many events that left us heartbroken,
and while some of us are still in the process of healing,
some others have emerged stronger than before.
I don't know where I stand in this case,
but I guess even when the scars on the flesh seem to have healed,
the bleeding heart would need a longer time to recover.

But on the bright side,
2013 began as a new start for most of us.
As they said,
"Change is the ever constant in life",
and essentially,
all of us will need time to adapt to these changes,
but it doesn't mean the memories will be left behind.
So I'm just striving for a brand new beginning;
to work hard to make each day worthwhile.
Of course,
it's always "easier said than done".
Who can really be without sadness?
But if there's one thing I can be sure of,
I'm sure of this:
That there wouldn't be a sadness that would last forever.
Tomorrow can be better,
if we want it to.

Read and learnt of many sad news lately.
And just days before,
many lives were lost in Singapore.
As I headed for school,
I saw 4 or 5 ambulances either rushing to or parked outside NUH.
Some of them may never walk out again.
But then again,
life is a very fragile thing.
As some people die,
others live.
And maybe we ought to pity those who are still living,
that some of them are voided of love, kindness, and forgiveness,
and they can't seem to live their lives without violence, frustration, and anger.

I end this post with a heavy heart.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Decided to do some updates today,
like finally,
after a long hiatus away from this blog haha.
But since I'm unoccupied and taking a breather from all the school work,
I shall take this time to write(:
Well,
life lately hasn't exactly been a bed of roses,
but then again,
whose life is?
Haha.
But still,
thank God for the wonderful gifts of my life,
for the people who I cannot love enough,
and for His love,
which I cannot be more thankful for(:
I have learnt to love,
the way that I should,
because He taught me,
that He is love(:

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I wish I wish with all my heart...

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Friday, September 07, 2012

Realized I haven't been writing for a long long time.
Perhaps people have forgotten about this space,
in fact I secretly wish they did,
so that I can say anything I wish.
It's been too taxing lately.
I'm just living life week by week,
sometimes even day by day,
unwilling to look beyond the present,
for fear of what I may find in the future.
Besides the piling workload,
I have other worries to attend to,
like my mum's undergoing another surgery next Wednesday and I'd by lying if I say I'm not worried,
despite it being a day surgery and the risks are brought to a minimum.
But still,
a surgery's a surgery and with a surgery,
comes risks and complications.
I just hate the idea of my mum being pushed into a theater and letting her life be manipulated by the hands of other people.
One thing about being a nurse is knowing that not all doctors can be trusted.
But I place my faith in the ultimate healer,
who dwells in the place above us all.
And I know that my prayers will be answered and that she'll come home safe.
Well,
on a lighter note,
it's been a fulfilling week.
Spent the last 2 days in Tan Tock Seng Hospital doing my shadowing.
When I first learnt that I'd be doing my shadowing in TTSH,
I hated it,
cause I was supposed to be posted to Alexandra Hospital,
which is nearer to my home,
while TTSH is a complete foreign territory to me,
but after these 2 days,
I realize that if you truly enjoy what you're doing,
you wouldn't take into account too much of the other external factors,
not to say distance isn't an obstacle for me.
Back to the point,
I was shadowing under my nurse in the palliative care department,
where the team handles issues surrounding death and dying.
Although many people,
especially us Asians,
find that this topic is taboo and should be avoided as far as possible,
I feel that this might actually be where I want to be for the rest of my career- palliative care.
Because these are not the usual patients we deal with everyday,
because these are not patients who will get well just by taking their medications on a regular basis,
because these are patients who have a limited supply of time on their hands,
which makes caring for them all the more urgent and fulfilling,
not to say other patients do not give me a sense of satisfaction.
But knowing that you can be there to offer your best for someone whose every breathe brings him/her closer to death,
is an entirely different experience.
The palliative care team left me with a deep impression and I'm truly impressed about how the team works together.
I guess everything happens for a reason and there was a reason I was transferred to TTSH,
and I'm thankful it happened(:
Well,
the week has been too tiring for me.
Haven't gotten a good rest since Monday and I shall now head to clear this sleep debt XDD
Anyway deep down I feel truly sorry to those friends who I haven't met up or contacted in a while.
I've got so much on my hands and whenever there's a day free I just wish to spend it at home either rushing for deadlines or just spending time with my family or just simply resting.
Maybe,
when things start to smooth out and when my mum's better,
I'll be able to look them up again.
Till then,
I'm thankful for those who are constantly by my side,
for letting me feel that the battle is not my own,
and to God,
for each day that I get to live.
Goodnight(:

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I used to think that dying was a thought too scary to think about.
Imagine being engulfed in eternal darkness and never again able to feel human,
never again able to see the sun rise,
nor hear the birds chirp,
nor feel the touch of the people you love...
It was too painful a thought;
being left alone in somewhere so unknown.
But as I grew older I realize the truth is entirely different.
Dying isn't the scariest thought.
There could be pain,
there could be agony,
but these are merely momentary.
Leaving isn't the hardest thing to do,
it is about who you leave behind,
and their pain and their agony that they will have to live with all their lives.
Loss is such a cruel thing,
because along with the passing of the flesh,
you realize that a part of you is gone with it too...

其实活着的人才痛苦...

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Check out my hair :DD

Love it! :DD

Hahaha well other than spending the week infatuated with my new hair,
I gotta admit that I haven't done much :\
Monday was spent with Alicia cooking up breakfast and lunch together.
I pretty enjoyed it,
like it's been a while since we spent some time together(:
Tuesday was quite memorable as well.
For one,
I got to meet up with VANICE CAI!!!
Haven't seen her for a gazillion years and finally we had a chance to catch up!(:
It's really nice that we can still talk and laugh like it was just yesterday when we parted ways.
If you're wondering why we met up all of a sudden it's cause I recommended her to be the model for Daph's blogshop and being the awesome friend that I am (kekeke!),
I accompanied her for the shoot and was her manager of the day XDD
Got to know some of Daph's friends as well and well,
the day ended with a couple more new friends on my friendship list(;
The following 2 days were spent in seclusion in my home as I knew I needed more rest than usual.
So I didn't do much except for going on the net to source out for ideas on how to redeco my bedroom wall,
which was very interesting to do because of all the influx of inspiration I get! :DD
Now I just need the materials to get started heheh XDD
As for yesterday,
I went shopping with Jiahui <333
I know I've been saying that I'm poor (and I really am!),
but this shopping spree was sponsored by my beloved mummy and hence I was able to go out,
or else I'll just be spending another day in seclusion,
away from the many temptations of the world...
Overall it was a great retail therapy session!
Felt so overjoyed when I went home yesterday hahaha XDD
A pity I had to forgo some stuff due to wallet constrains but yes,
I WILL GO BACK ONE DAY TO GET MY GOODS!!!
Lol.
And I love hanging out with that girl <333
No burden no nothing.
Carefree.

We have to go shopping together again! :DD

So that's how I spent the week.
A little apprehensive about things lately,
everyone's talking about school and I think I'm kinda running away from it.
It's like an instinct.
And now that school's about to start,
I feel that I'm not so ready to part with the freedom I have now :'(
Whatever.
I'll just finish up these final 2 weeks of holiday with a blast!
Gonna play pool next Thursday kekeke it's so funnnn!!!! :DD
Till next week,
have a great weekend peeps!
xoxo

-With All My Heart, Alina ;

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Mood is so bad nothing seems to ease me.

-With All My Heart, Alina ;